


What Can I do to Convince You?

by radiantbeams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Louis is a TSA agent, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy Harry, also a vet, im not sure exactly where this is going so ill ad more tags as i write, uhhhhh Harry is a v rich lawer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantbeams/pseuds/radiantbeams
Summary: Harry is a lawyer for rich celebrities, Louis is a TSA agent. Harry is a hopeless romantic, Louis desperately wishes he was. Basically, Harry is in love, Louis wants to love him back, but commitment issues and general anxiety seem to get in the way.Harry also has an adorable dog named Selene.PERMANENT HIATUS/RE-WRITE - go read the last chapter for an explanation :)





	1. Getting it Together

Harry never thought being a lawyer would involve this much travel. But, when you service the clients he does, you have to go where they get in trouble, which always seems to be flashy cities that are impossible to get to by car. Harry sighed, hefting his carry-on higher up on his shoulder. LAX was a madhouse, but he knew the drill. He was prepared with passport in hand, slip on shoes, no belt, his laptop in an outside pocket. Harry was a pro. The line shuffled forward. The lady in front of him kept throwing flirtatious looks over her shoulder, and he prepared himself to deal with her approach. Before she could make a move though, Don, his second-favorite TSA agent called to him.

‘You ever gonna come through this place for something other than business? All you do is work!’ He said as Harry approached, handing him his boarding pass and ID.

‘One day, Donald. When I’m back in town we should all go out, show you I do know how to take a night off.’ Don laughed, stamping his passport. Harry loved hanging out with Don and his boyfriend, Olly. After 9 months of every weekend shipping off to a new city, Harry had become pretty friendly with the regular staff at the airport.

‘I’ll text you about it, don’t work yourself out before then though. Have fun in Aruba!’ Don flashed a smile and waived him on, already turning to the next person in line.

Harry chuckled and shook his head, getting in the line for bag check. He always got in the far left line; in hopes of seeing is all-time favorite TSA agent, Louis. One of these days, he’ll get up the courage to actually ask him out, but for now he’ll settle for trying to flirt whilst barefoot, which is harder than it sounds.

He was setting his laptop in a separate bin when someone cleared their throat loudly in front of him. Harry looked up, startled, before he smiled. ‘There a problem, officer?’ He asked with a smirk.

‘No, no problem, just observing, carry on.’ Louis stayed standing in front of him at the back of the line, arms crossed. He looked very official and Harry loved it. ‘When’s your flight? Where to now, Styles?’

Harry narrowly missed knocking his head on the conveyor while he slipped off his shoes. Louis coughed loudly, obviously trying to cover up a laugh. Harry rolled his eyes. ‘Plane pulls out at 5:45, headed for Aruba. Why do you ask?’ He tried to go for serious and flirtatious, but it was hard to recover from making a fool of himself with the shoe-tripping incident.

‘Just curious.’ He smiled and waived Harry through the X-ray. ‘I do have a question though.’ He asked, smiling as Harry slipped his shoes back on. He nodded for Louis to continue. ‘What do you think I should do during my break from 5:15 to 5:45? There are so many fun things to do in an airport.’

Harry laughed loudly. ‘I hear Gate C52 is the place to be. There’s a nice Starbucks and the Delta agent gives out lollies if you ask.’ He zipped up his bag and looked at Louis expectantly.

‘I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. Have a nice flight!’ Louis said with a wave, quickly turning back to the monitors. His partner, Jesy, smirked at him and gave Harry a knowing look before he turned away.

Once Harry got to his gate, he grabbed two coffees and a shitty romance novel for the flight. The novel was shoved into the depths of his bag before Louis arrived, a little shamefully. Harry liked to keep up appearances that he only read literary journals and prestigious newspapers. At 5:17 exactly, Harry was not counting or excessively checking the time, Louis slumped into the seat next to him, plucking one of the coffees out of Harry’s hand.

‘Thanks, love. I’m working a double and I desperately need this.’ Louis said before taking a long sip and then leaning over to kiss Harry’s cheek. ‘What’s somebody done that they need you in Aruba?’ He asked, settling back in his seat. Harry was so fucked. Louis was gorgeous, a perfect mix of soft lines and sharp angles, and that uniform.

‘Lou, you know I can’t tell you.’ Harry leveled him with a stare. Harry only had very rich, very well known clients. And it was literally his job to keep their names off people’s lips. He swooped in, cleaned up their mess, and let them do it all over again, all without the public hearing a word.

‘I don’t need names! Just the really juicy details, is there a dead hooker involved?’ He asked, leaning close.

Harry laughed, ‘Not quite.’ In all honesty, it was just a bad traffic violation, but still, getting sued was not on Harry’s to-do list. He knew Louis would never blab, but still. Confidentiality.

‘You’re so boring.’ Louis said rolling his eyes. ‘When’s your return flight?’ He asked.

‘I should get to LAX Sunday at 11, if there are no delays.’ Harry snorted, there are always delays.

‘So you mean 2am?’ Louis said jokingly.

‘Yeah, probably. You working then?’ Harry suddenly found the lid of his coffee cup very interesting.

‘Nah, I try to always switch for the daytime shifts.’ He shuffled in his seat awkwardly. ‘Um, if you –‘ He coughed into his hand. ‘if you needed a ride from the airport, I could make the trip. If you needed.’ Louis squeezed his eyes shut and cringed.

Harry stared at him openly for a few seconds too long before he answered. ‘Oh! Um, no, no way! It’s so late! I’ll catch a cab or something!’ He immediately regretted saying that. Truth be told, he wanted to see Louis. Thing was, Harry and Louis had never spent time together outside the airport. They had spent plenty of Louis’ breaks like this together, and as much flirting as could happen in baggage check, but nothing in the real world.

‘Oh, okay. Thought I’d offer. It wouldn’t be any trouble.’ He chucked awkwardly. ‘I’m usually up that late anyway.’ He laughed again to relieve some tension.

‘I mean, if you really don’t mind?’ Harry backtracked. Let yourself have this, he chanted to himself. It’s very statistically unlikely to fuck up every relationship he’ll ever have. Statistically.

‘Yeah!’ Louis lit up, blinding smile on his face. Before he caught himself and tried to tone it down. ‘I mean, yeah of course. You have my number right? Just let me know when you land.’ Louis nodded to himself, nice cover.

Harry hummed in response and checked his watch for boarding times. The silence stretched on for another beat before Harry said abruptly, ‘What did you mean when you said you’d be up that late anyway?’

Louis looked up at him quickly and then back down at his hands. ‘Insomnia.’ He said blankly. ‘I always take the day shifts because I think if I have nights free I’ll somehow be able to sleep, but it hasn’t worked so far.’ He laughed a little bitterly.

Harry reached out a hand, drawing it back at the last minute. ‘I’m sorry.’ He said lamely.

Louis looked up again. ‘Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m fine.’ He gave Harry a weak smile before his eyes focused on something behind Harry’s head. ‘Oh! Your flight is boarding! Uh, thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you Sunday?’ He got up abruptly. 

Harry struggled a bit with his bags before he turned to Louis. ‘Yeah, see you then.’ He smiled down at him and thought, just fucking go for it, and went in for a hug. Louis stiffened a little before hugging him back. ‘Bye.’ Harry said into Louis’ ear before he pulled away. It was going to be a long weekend.

Aruba was generally uneventful; he got his client off with just a warning, although he doubted very much that it would prevent them from doing it again. Harry boarded the plane back home; still in his suit from the meetings he had that morning. Once in the air, he changed into the only comfortable outfit he brought, yoga pants and his old Cambridge University sweater. He slipped back into his chair and pulled out his laptop. Everyone else in first class was trying to sleep, but Harry desperately needed to fill his mind with work, or else he’d start thinking about Louis again.

Louis had started spending his breaks with Harry 6 months ago, when he spotted Harry on his way home from Aspen. They had gotten coffee and found they actually enjoyed each other’s company. Since then, Harry found himself only booking flights during when Louis normally worked, and tried to get their extra early so that he could possibly get the chance to spend time with him. So sue him, Harry was a hopeless romantic. And he was in love. Well, maybe not real love, but in love with the idea. After they had exchanged numbers, they texted non-stop, it was pure luck (or un-luck) that they hadn’t found time to spend together outside the airport. And Harry was fine with that. Inside the airport, they were happy and their relationship was easy, insulated. Outside the airport, there was the giant risk of rejection.

When the stewardess came by and asked Harry to put away his laptop, he had gotten almost nothing done. 10 hours of solitaire mostly. Once they touched down, Harry stopped by the restroom in baggage claim. He let down his hair and scrubbed his face down with cold water. As expected, it was well past 1 in the morning. Harry stared at his face in the mirror; he definitely looked like he had just spent 12 hours traveling. He ran a hand through his hair, it was a little greasy today. But it’d have to do for now.

His phone buzzed and he went out the double doors toward the taxi queue, crossing the street towards the parking garage. LAX was busier than Harry felt was strictly necessary at this time of night, it could just be because he was grouchy and tired. Finally, he spotted Louis, leaning against his car, looking like a fucking angel. He worse a lose pair of joggers and a NAVY t-shirt, his hair lay limp on his forehead and glasses perched on his nose. He smiled toothily when he saw Harry, then immediately stifled a yawn.

Harry immediately pulled him into a hug, breathing into his hair. ‘Hey.’ Louis’ arms came and wrapped around him before they broke apart and Louis reached for Harry’s bag.

‘Hey yourself, Curly.’ He threw the duffle in the trunk and slipped in the driver’s seat. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen you with your hair down.’ Harry ran a hand through his hair, laughing a little. 

‘Oh, yeah, well it looks more professional when I have it up.’ He bit his tongue, drawing a little blood, god, he was nervous. ‘I like your glasses, they look good.’ Oh god, he was so embarrassing.

Louis laughed brightly and turned on the radio. ‘Thanks, now where we headed?’ Harry immediately rattled off his address and Louis eyebrows shot up. ‘Bougie neighborhood.’ He commented. Harry looked down at his hands, a little sheepishly.

‘Yeah, I just bought the place. Thought I should invest some cash, you know? What better way than with overpriced real estate? Finding enough furniture has been a lot harder than I thought it’d be.’ Louis snorted.

‘Boo hoo, my house is too big, I can’t spend my money fast enough.’ He said, no malice behind it. Harry laughed loudly. 

It was another hour before they finally made it to Harry’s house. They laughed and sang along to the radio and Harry wondered what he was really worried about. He and Louis got along great; there was no reason to be nervous about it. Then, Louis turned off the car, and all the anxiety came bubbling back up. Something nagged at the back of his head, just ask him already.

‘So,’ they both started at the same time, laughing a little awkwardly. Harry motioned for Louis to continue. ‘Um, do you think I could use your bathroom?’ He asked.

‘Of course! Come on in. I hope you like dogs, though.’ Harry grabbed his bag from the boot and pulled out his keys. Selene, Harry’s Brindle Greyhound came scampering up, jumping excitedly in front of Louis. Louis laughed, loud and bright, bending down to rub under her ears.

‘What’s its name?’ He asked, looking up at Harry who quickly tried to school his face to look a little less fond.

‘Selene, it’s Greek. She was a gift from my mum, said I needed a roommate.’ He walked further into the house, dropping his keys on the kitchen island.

‘This place is huge, Harry. Why’d you need so much room?’ He looked around the foyer, staring up at the quite impressive crystal chandelier.

‘Uh, well. Like I said, I wanted to invest anyway, and I don’t know, I know I’m only 30 and I’m not even in a relationship, but I always wanted a big family.’ He shrugged ‘So I thought, maybe one day I’ll be able to fill this place. Maybe.’ He successfully avoided Louis’ eyes while he spoke, busying himself with refilling Selene’s water bowl. When he finally did turn, Louis’ eyes were wide and sincere.

‘That’s-‘ He cleared his throat a little awkwardly. ‘That’s really great.’ Harry shrugged.

‘The bathrooms down that hall, by the way. Would you like a cuppa? I’m putting the kettle on.’ 

Louis said ‘sure’ before he turned toward the restroom. After setting the water to boil, Harry slouched to the floor, Selene came up to him and licking his face. ‘Selene, how do I ask Louis Tomlinson on a date?’ He said, grabbing her head and rubbing her nose.

‘You could always just say, Louis, would you like to go on a date?’ Oh god. Louis had heard him. He looked up, cringing. Louis smirked at him. ‘I think that’d be a good start.’

Harry tried very hard not to swallow his own tongue. Louis turned and put the teabags in mugs of hot water, handing one to Harry. He leaned against the counter and looked down at him expectantly. ‘Louis, would you like to go on a date with me?’ Harry asked, might as well lean into it.

Louis grinned. ‘I thought you’d never ask. On that note however, I think I better make my way home.’ Louis set the mug down in the sink and turned back to the front door.

Harry heaved himself upright, bones cracking a little bit, still stiff from the plane. ‘Yeah, of course, thank you. For, you know, picking me up.’ He followed him out hovering in the doorway, Louis turned to face him.

‘Anytime. Thank you, for, you know, finally asking me out.’ A flaming blush spread up his neck.

‘Were you really waiting a long time?’ Harry fiddled with the hem of his sweater. Louis took his hand, lacing their fingers.

‘Only since I gave you my number 6 months ago.’ Harry looked up, startled, his mouth agape. Louis laughed and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Goodnight, Harry.’

Harry stood there for a few minutes, Selene at his feet, moths collecting on the porch lamp, before he turned back inside and locked the door. He immediately went to his room and threw himself down on the bed with a quiet ‘oof’. Selene’s paws tapped on the floor as she jumped up on the bed, curling against Harry’s side. He slung his arm around her and promptly fell asleep, not bothering to turn off the lights.


	2. Scared of Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More from Louis' perspective. From here on out, I'll probably be trading off Louis/Harry every other chapter. Sorry the ending is lame, if I didn't stop writing it would have never gotten finished.

Louis slammed the door shut when he got home, startling his roommate, Zayn, awake on the couch. ‘What the fuck, man?’ Zayn protested, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

‘Serves you right for sleeping on the couch, I have a crisis.’ Louis said, shedding his coat at the door and toeing off his shoes.

 

‘It’s four in the fucking morning, can’t your crisis wait?’ He asked, already sitting up, preparing himself for Louis’ dramatic re-telling of what happened.

 

‘Harry Styles asked me out.’ Louis said simply, throwing himself over the back of the couch. Zayn’s eyebrows shot up.

 

‘Fit Lawyer Harry Styles?’ Louis nodded, putting his face in his hands. ‘The one you just picked up from the airport?’ Louis nodded again. ‘I don’t see how this is a crisis. You like him.’

 

He peered at his roommate through the gaps in his fingers. ‘This is most definitely a crisis. He asked me out and I said yes.’ Zayn waited for him to expand on his thought process, but apparently he wasn’t going to.

 

‘I still don’t see it.’ Zayn said incredulously.

 

Louis sighed heavily. ‘It’s so fun to flirt with him and to imagine us together, but now it’s _real_. You know I suck a relationships, I’m going to destroy him. He’s better off without me.’

 

‘Lou, it’s one date. Not marriage.’ Louis’ eyes almost bug out of his head. ‘I mean, yeah in the past you really suck at boyfriend stuff.’ Louis cringes. ‘I’m not trying to be mean, but, babe, you tend to be a little manipulative.’ Zayn sighs, pulling Louis into a hug. ‘But you can’t know things with this guy wont be different. All those other people, they weren’t enough for you, they didn’t understand your independence. Maybe, Harry is different.’ He pet his hair.

 

Louis looked up at him, pulling away back to his side of the couch. ‘Maybe.’ He frowned, pulling out his phone. He really wanted to call Lottie; it’d probably be a reasonable time in the morning in Cincinnati. He could do it. But. Lotts was busy, recently engaged, up for a promotion, helping mum out with the twins, because Louis was stuck in LA. She didn’t need Louis’ problems too. ‘I’m just gonna go to bed, I guess. Let things play out.’ He sighed.

 

‘Good idea, don’t bail too early or commit too early either. Leave yourself an out, I’m always here for you.’ Zayn said, getting up on his way to his room, kissing Louis on the top of his head. Louis smiled up at him weakly, before making his way to his own room.

 

For once, he was able to fall asleep without copious amounts of alcohol or sleeping pills.

 

Far too early the next morning, Louis woke up and shuffled barefoot into the kitchen. He put on the kettle, turned on the news, and pulled out his favorite cereal. As he thought back about last night, he was still a little astonished. He always figured Harry was rich; a full wardrobe of Armani suits didn’t come cheap, but he never figured Harry was _that_ rich. His house was definitely worth millions, and Harry had said he spent _cash_ on it. Louis was lucky to have enough cash to renew his park and ride pass every month. And he said he had bought it to start a _family_ , oh god. Louis was not ready to start a family. Harry was perfect and kind and funny and wildly too good for Louis.

 

Louis was 33 and much to his mother’s dismay, had only had two serious relationships at this point. Both of which ended poorly. The first was before he enlisted, a girl named Hannah. She was great and they were great together and Louis honestly though he’d marry her, but he was 18 and he couldn’t get into college, didn’t have any talents to speak of, so he enlisted in the Navy. Hannah was supportive at first, but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to be a military wife. She sent him a ‘Dear John’ letter on his first deployment. Louis couldn’t really blame her for that one, but in person would have been nice.

 

His second serious relationship was after he was set for retirement, 28 and already done with his military career. Louis had met Nick in physical therapy. He was loud and charming and they got along horribly. They fought constantly but the sex was amazing. 2 years later, Nick proposed. Louis kind of fucked that one up. He shouted no and ran out of the restaurant. The next week he had packed up his stuff and moved to LA, he changed his number and refused to contact Nick again. Louis was an asshole, basically.

 

Once in LA he found Zayn, who needed a roommate. He got a job as a TSA agent, and was currently training to become an air marshal. His mum and stepdad still lived in Ohio, along with the rest of his siblings. He hadn’t been to see them since before he broke up with Nick. Wow, Louis was an asshole. But it wasn’t his entire fault, with the move and everything; he was still pretty short on cash. His mum still had 4 children at home, though the twins were almost ready to move out, so she wasn’t able to help him out, not that’d he’d ever ask. He skyped with them regularly, phone calls weekly, and always sent his bonuses to them. Yeah, his mum had re-married, but Louis would always try to be the man of the house.

 

Louis’ phone rang loudly on the table next to him. He jumped a little before he moved to answer it. ‘Is this Mr. Louis Tomlinson?’ An authoritative voice said before he could even have a chance to get a greeting out.

 

He paused. ‘Um, yes, this is he?’ Who would be calling him like this? He wasn’t scheduled to come in today. Maybe it was work.

 

‘Please hold for Mr. Styles.’ Oh, okay. The line was silent for a few seconds.

 

‘Louis?’ A familiar gruff voice said. Louis smiled involuntarily.

 

‘Can’t even make your own phone calls anymore?’ He laughed.

 

Harry chuckled on the other end. There was a noise of keys clacking, he was always working, it seemed. ‘No, I would, but it’s been a bit hectic around here, and I wanted to talk to you. It’s easier for Linda to front my calls during the week.’ He could hear some papers being shuffled around, and a muffled voice, probably Linda. ‘Anyway, when are you free this week for dinner? So I can clear my schedule. I want to do this right.’ Louis blushed a little.

 

‘Um, I’m free Thursday, if that works. Don’t go too big, Styles, doesn’t take much to impress me.’

 

‘Thursday at 8, then? I’ll pick you up, and don’t worry, I have just the thing.’ He said, voice laced with suspicion.

 

‘What do you have in mind?’ Louis asked hesitantly.

 

‘Trust me, you’ll love it.’ Harry boasted, a little cryptic.

 

‘Alright, well I’ll let you go, you sound busy.’ The keyboard clacking had started again. ‘I’ll text you my address, see you Thursday.’ No backing out now, maybe Louis could fake an illness last minute.

 

‘Thanks, Lou, I’ll see you Thursday, you wont regret it.’ And with that, he hung up. Louis stared down at his phone for a few minutes, letting his cereal get soggy.

 

Just then, Zayn came tumbling out of his room, pulling a black polo over his head. He squeezed Louis’ shoulder on his way past, slipping on his shoes. ‘I’ll be back late tonight, Liam is picking me up from work and we’ll probably go back to his. Text me if you need anything, try and get some sleep today, yeah? You need it.’ Louis rolled his eyes. 3 hours of sleep was plenty last night, and he doubted he’d get any more anytime soon.

 

With Zayn gone, and no work today, Louis didn’t have much to do. He worked on some mindfulness exercises his therapist told him to, but they didn’t help much with his anxiety. After lunchtime, Louis got dressed for the gym; maybe tiring himself out would help him sleep tonight.

 

Even though it’s been 6 years since his knee injury, Louis still has problems with it. For a while, after he got back and was stationed stateside permanently, he kind of had a pill problem. That, combined with minor PTSD from all the fuckery he saw on deployment, caused some pretty shitty insomnia. He’s since gotten the PSTD under control, but of course that just allowed the depression to bubble back to the surface.

 

On his way back home, sufficiently sweaty and gross, Louis stopped to get a smoothie. He’s standing in line, gym bag over his shoulder, trying not to smell up the little shop, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see Perrie, one of Zayn’s friends from work. He smiles brightly at her. ‘Hey! Fun seeing you here, what are you doing on this side of town?’ He asked.

 

‘Just had a sit down with a photographer looking for models. Fingers crossed!’ She chirped, always so bubbly. For as long as Louis had known her, she’d been trying to get her modeling career off the ground. It was a shame she had to try so hard, too. She was very pretty.

 

‘Good luck! How’d your date go with that girl, by the way? Never got back to you about it.’ Friday when Louis visited Zayn at work, Perrie had told him about her very nerve-wracking date she had the next day. She over shared a bit sometimes.

 

‘Yes! You remembered! Oh, it was amazing, she’s amazing. Leigh-Anne. We fed birds in the park and it sounds so cliché but it really wasn’t. I hope she calls me, I’d love to see her again.’ She said a little dreamily.

 

‘That’s great, Per. I’ve got to get home, but I’ll see you around, yeah?’ He grabbed is smoothie, ready to make his escape.

 

‘Wait!’ She rushed after him out the door. ‘Any new updates on that guy you like?’ She asked with a twinkle in her eye.

 

‘What’d Zayn tell you?’ Louis exasperated.

 

‘Nothing! Oh my goodness, is there something to tell?’ She grabbed his arm excitedly.

 

‘I gave him a ride from the airport, and he asked me on a date. It’s not a big deal.’ It was a very big fucking deal.

 

Perrie cooed, pulling him in for a hug. ‘That’s amazing, Lou! You deserve it, from what you’ve told me he sounds so charming! I’ll let you go, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.’ She sing-songed, grabbing a cab.

 

Louis sighed heavily and made his way back to his flat. He showered and popped a few sleeping pills before lying down on his lumpy bed. He stared at the ceiling for too long before his phone dinged next to him. He brought it up to his face, promptly dropping it on his face. ‘Fuck.’ He mumbled before trying to read it again.

 

Harry Styles: Sorry abt having Linda call u today, dick move. I’ll make it up to u! x

 

Louis rolled his eyes, typing out a reply

 

Louis Tomlinson: No wrries! Ur a busy man, can’t expect ur attn all the time! Honestly, nbd

 

Harry’s reply came almost immediately.

 

Harry Styles: U alwys hv my full attn! Highlight of my week, seeing u.

Louis blushed.

 

Louis Tomlinson: Flattery will get you everywhere ;)

 

Harry Styles: ;)

 

Then immediately after

 

Harry Styles: What flowers are you allergic to?

 

Louis Tomlinson: Calla Lillies. I cnt imagine why ud b askng tho xx :)

 

Harry Styles: You’ll find out.

 

Interesting. Louis got up and got a glass of water, plugging his phone into the charger. Finally, when he lay down again, he fell asleep. The next morning, Louis realized he actually got 7 full hours of sleep, subsequently making him late. He pushed his hair back with a band, threw on his uniform and stole Zayn’s coffee on his way out the door.

 

When he finally made it to the airport, Louis just barely clocked in on time, running right to his locker. Jesy cleared her throat loudly. ‘Louis.’ He looked over as he pinned on his nametag.

 

‘Jesy.’ He focused back on getting out his notecards from his bag, always ready to study for his AM exams during a lull.

 

‘ _Louis._ ’ She said exaggeratedly.

 

‘ _What_? Oh.’ When Louis looked over this time he saw the dozen red roses. Perfectly trimmed in a crystal vase, a white note sticking out of them.

 

_You’re always my priority. See you Thursday. Love, Harry_

 

Louis was so fucked. This type of sentimental shit always got him in trouble. It was all very sweet and romantic in theory, in a very objective sense. But Louis couldn’t help but feel like he was deceiving Harry, that there was something Harry didn’t understand. Louis was always going to be holding back _something_ and Harry didn’t need to be burdened with that. He took a deep breath and put the little card in his locker. Don’t overthink it. Let it play out, don’t bail too soon or make commitments too fast. Just one date.

 

One thing that Louis was really good at, after years of practice, was compartmentalizing. He didn’t even think about the flowers or Harry or their date while he was on duty. It wasn’t until he walked back into the office that he remembered, hard to avoid thinking about it with that gaudy array sitting out. He sheepishly took them out to his car, trying his best not to think about all the stares his co-workers were giving him.

 

Zayn was bustling around in the kitchen when he got home, Liam watching footie in the living room. Louis set the vase on the table and let himself into his room. Immediately there was a knock on the door. ‘These from Harry?’ Zayn asked, Louis could almost hear Liam hovering behind him.

 

He struggled free of his work pants and unlatched the door. ‘Yes, they were from him.’ Liam came in and lounged on his bed while Zayn went through his closet.

 

‘Isn’t this mine?’ He held up a shirt, Louis shrugged. ‘Anyway, they’re very nice. He has good taste.’

 

‘Have you called him about it yet?’ Liam asked.

 

‘No, should I?’ Louis pulled on his smoking hoodie, covered in paint and a hole in the armpit, and grabbed his pack of cigarettes. Zayn and Liam looked at each other. ‘Don’t do that, if you’re going to have a conversation, use words.’

 

‘You only smoke when you’re stressed. What’s with the flowers that’s stressing you out?’ Zayn asked, following him out to the fire escape. Louis shrugged. ‘Don’t give me that, what’s the matter?’

 

‘Just, it’s really nice of him, and I know I should be really grateful, but I’m just kind of annoyed. I don’t deserve all this. I don’t even want his attention, what’s wrong with me?’ He took a long drag.

 

‘Do you like spending time with him?’ Liam asked. Louis nodded; sucking down his fag like his life depended on it.

 

‘But, like, just as mates. You know?’ Louis said. ‘But, I want a relationship with him? Like, an exclusive relationship. But this romantic stuff is freaking me out. I don’t even know why! And I want to call him, and thank him, because I know it’s what I should do, but it wouldn’t be genuine. But I would want him to do it again, if he wanted. Like, be romantic, but, I couldn’t reciprocate, probably.’

 

Zayn sighed. ‘Then tell him that. And if he doesn’t get it, or he doesn’t want it, let him go. You’d deserve better if that’s what happens. Though I doubt it will.’

 

‘Tell him what exactly? ‘Thanks for the flowers, but just FYI this relationship is going to feel really one-sided, but don’t let that deter you!’ How would that work, Zayn?’ Louis lit another cigarette angrily. Zayn took it from him and stubbed it out.

 

‘If you have more than one you won’t sleep, you know that.’ Louis slumped over against the windowsill. ‘Just tell him that you appreciate the flowers, and let him figure out the rest.’ He put up a hand as he saw Louis was about to protest. ‘You’re not leading him on by not telling him you don’t know how to be romantic. Jesus, Louis. Chill out. Just be yourself, just because you now know explicitly that he has romantic feelings for you doesn’t mean you need to turn into this whole different person. Probably, and I’m just thinking out loud here, he had romantic feelings for you _before_ he told you about it.’ Louis nodded. Zayn made a lot of sense.

 

‘It’s cold, get in here so we can shut the window.’ Liam said, rubbing at his arms. Louis laughed and climbed back through.

 

‘I’m gonna go call him. What are we doing for dinner? I’m starved.’ Louis said, digging through his work duffle for his phone.

 

Zayn huffed in annoyance. ‘I slave away in a kitchen all day and then have to come home and feed you two as well?’

 

Liam pulled him into a hug and nuzzled into his neck. ‘Thanks babe, we appreciate it.’ Louis made fake gagging noises, retreating to his room.

 

Harry picked up on the second ring. ‘Louiiiiiiiiis!’ He drawled. Louis couldn’t help the grin that broke across his face.

 

‘Hi, Love. Thanks for the flowers, they’re gorgeous.’ He sighed, shutting his bedroom door and flopping on his bed.

 

‘I’m so glad you liked them, thought I’d go for a classic this time. How was your day? How was work?’ Louis heard a loud car horn on the other end.

 

‘Are you busy? We can talk later.’

 

‘No! Sorry, I’m taking Selene on a walk.’ As if on cue, he heard a faint bark.

 

‘Well, work was fine, no one trying to smuggle cocaine to Philly, or one hundred snails to Albany.’ He laughed.

 

‘Did that actually happen? Snails?’ Harry laughed.

 

‘You’d be surprised what kind of things we see, and how much of it is actually illegal.’ Louis switched his phone to his other ear, picking at a loose thread on the duvet. ‘How are you? Work go okay?’

 

‘Yeah, just boring stuff for now. I think we’ve hit a lull on the dramatics for now. I’d like to think it has something to do with the holidays.’ Harry hummed.

 

‘That’s good. Hey, any hints about Thursday?’ He tried to be casual about it, but in all honesty, he was freaking the fuck out.

‘Nope! I’m not giving anything away. You’re gonna absolutely love it though.’

 

‘I guess I trust you.’ Harry scoffed.

 

‘Of course you should trust me. I’ve still kept it a secret that your mum still calls you ‘Boobear’.’ Harry laughed loudly when Louis gasped.

 

‘Harold! I knew you’d use that against me!’ He laughed loudly, then yawned, groaning.

 

‘Tired?’ Harry asked, a little absentmindedly.

 

‘Yeah, got plenty of sleep last night though, probably just my schedule is off.’ He stifled another yawn.

 

‘Well I just got back home and I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later?’ He asked hopefully.

 

‘Of course, bye Harry.’ Louis smiled and hung up, letting his head lay back on his pillows.

 

Next thing he knew, Zayn was pulling a blanket around him and it was dark outside. What is with all this sleeping business? Unusual.


	3. Waiting Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's perspective. Now that we've got most of the histories out of the way, the plot should begin to move a lot quicker. Also, sugar daddy!aus are my favorite so of course it was bound to happen, I'm trying to keep it within reason.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are always welcomed, I'd love to hear from people who read it!

Linda’s ringtone blared through Harry’s speakers, Selene jolted next to him. He groaned and rolled over, rubbing his eyes. ‘Hello?’ He mumbled into the phone.

 

‘Mr. Styles!’ She chirped from the other end. ‘You have two contract negotiations today; I’ve put the addresses in your GPS. The first one is in West Hollywood; you should be getting up now to get there in time. I’ve called a walker about Selene. Since you want Thursday night off, I’ve had to reschedule you briefing with Huda’s people. I should also remind you that she wants you in Dubai with her this weekend. You leave at 11; I put your boarding pass on your desk for when you get in. You were planning on stopping by today, right?’ Linda needed to calm down for 6:30 in the morning.

 

‘All right, I’m up, thanks Linds. Doesn’t Huda know I have other clients? I can’t go with her everywhere. Could you get me a later flight by chance? I’d like a late morning Friday. I’ll be in the office after lunch. When’s that second meeting?’ Harry stretched and walked down to the kitchen, turning on the coffee. He heard keys jingle in the lock; the dog walker must be here.

 

‘I’m sorry; Mr. Styles, but you can only have one, Thursday night or Friday morning. I would be able to get you out of Dubai, but the only way I could move the briefing was if you did it there, hence, having to leave early. Your other meeting is at 7 this evening.’ Harry groaned, dinner meetings meant he’d be catching up on work well into the night.

 

‘All right, forward me the trials from last week and that new contract from Zach. I’ll see you this afternoon.’ Linda confirmed and hung up. That woman worked too hard. Harry should give her a vacation; she should get to have a weekend with her boyfriend. He’ll send them to his villa in Monterey, that’d be nice.

 

By the time Harry stepped out of the shower, Selene and the dog walker were gone. His loafers clipped loudly through the house as he walked to the garage. Harry loved his home, but it wasn’t a home. It felt so incomplete, too spacious for just one person. He pointedly did _not_ think about Louis when he imagined sharing the space with someone else.

 

Harry was young when he started his firm, only a year out of law school. His best friend, Niall, who was just starting out in the music scene in London, hired him to go over his contract before he signed with Virgin EMI. It was through his connection with Niall that he started to build up his clientele enough to open his doors. When Harry was 28 he was netting over two mil a year, not including bonuses when he won a case. Niall left Virgin EMI and moved to LA. Harry, of course, moved with him. He lost a few clients, but gained many more once he became established here in Hollywood.

 

He tried very hard not to make it about the money, but Harry’s loyalty to his clients pushed him to work so hard. He always wanted to do right by them, and hardly ever said no. Making reasonable priorities was not his strong suit, probably why he hadn’t had a relationship since undergrad. He was very strict about not getting involved with his clients, and he didn’t have much time to meet other people. Even when he did meet someone he was interested in, he usually let it die; not returning calls, missing dates, just generally being distracted when he was with them. Harry justified it, he was still young, now was the time to make money, he could always have a relationship later. But once he left England, his mother started obsessing.

 

She was convinced she’d never see grandkids. Both he and Gemma were still single, focusing on their careers, and Anne supported them and was so so proud, but. She tried not to guilt them, but Harry knew her desires. It seemed like every time they spoke she brought up some eligible bachelor she knew, saying how he and Harry would be _perfect_ for each other. Harry dodged easily enough, but still went on a few terrible dates every time he made it back home.

 

After lunch, Harry went straight to the gym. While he was on the treadmill he called up his mum, she’d be happy to know about Louis. He’d refrained from telling her about him before so as to not get her hopes up, and it was still rocky, Harry could tell Louis was hesitant about the whole thing, but he wanted to be able to share this with the most important lady in his life.

‘Harry, dear! You’ll never believe it; Robin just got called for business in America. We were thinking about making it a real vacation, maybe seeing you for a bit if you could get away.’ She said immediately. Harry smiled; he hadn’t seen his mum since his birthday.

 

‘Give me the dates and I’ll make time, of course. Where is Robin’s business? I can come to you if it’s not near LA.’ Not that he spent much time in LA anymore anyway.

 

‘Not sure, I’ll get the details later. Anyway, why’d you call? Anything happen?’ She asked, obviously concerned. Harry’s stomach dropped, he hated that she only figured he’d call if he were in trouble.

 

‘Oh, no, nothing like that. Just wanted to chat. Got some news you might like.’ He took a big gulp from his water bottle and tried to regulate his breathing.

 

‘Oh really? Out with it then, you know I hate suspense.’ She laughed, god, Harry missed her.

 

‘I’ve got a date tomorrow night.’ She gasped.

 

‘You’re joking! With who? Where are you going? What’s he like? Why haven’t you mentioned them before?’ She exclaimed.

 

Harry laughed. ‘I’d never joke about my love life with you. His name is Louis; I’m going to take him to the Griffith Observatory. I’m gonna rent out the whole place, it’s absolutely ridiculous, I’m sure, but I want to give him the best.’ He stepped into the locker rooms, grabbing his suit and duffle.

 

‘Oh, Harry, that’s so nice. Sounds very expensive, though. Why haven’t you told me about this Louis before? How long have you known him?’ He could tell she was trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.

 

‘He, well, he works for the airport, I met him probably 6 months ago.’ He cringed, knowing it would probably offend his mother that he hadn’t told her before. ‘Nothing serious, just spent some time with him between flights, you know? I didn’t tell you about him because there wasn’t much to tell until this past Sunday.’ Not exactly a lie.

 

‘Well, that sounds good dear. Make sure to let us know how it goes. I wish I could talk more but it’s getting late here.’ Harry’s face fell, he hated the time differences.

 

‘Of course, Mum. I’ll be in Dubai this weekend, I’ll call you when I get back?’ He unlocked his car.

 

‘Yes, darling, I’ll text you when I get the details about our trip. Goodnight sweetie!’

 

‘Night, Mum.’ He smiled brightly, his mum always new how to cheer him up.

 

Once he got to the office he took a shower in his private bath. He let his curls drip onto his undershirt and left is oxford on the back of his chair. Linda brought him in two boxes of files, previous cases for research on a divorce he was working through. As he always did when he worked, he moved to put his personal phone in the bottom drawer of his desk, but a notification caught his eye.

 

Niall Horan: Met your boy today!

 

Attached was a picture of Louis, taken from an odd angle, obviously Niall trying to be stealthy. Harry shouldn’t have ever told Niall about Louis. Ever since he mentioned having a crush on him, Niall was adamant about meeting him. Harry staved him off thus far.

 

Harry Styles: Wht r u even doing @ LAX??? Stp being creepy!!

 

Niall Horan: Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him I knew you. He wanted an autograph for his little sisters. He was very sweet, I approve, Styles!

 

Harry Styles: didn’t answer my q

 

Niall Horan: I do things w/o you, you know.

 

Harry Styles: …

 

Niall Horan: Okay I didn’t really have a reason but now I’m on my way to Ireland, so two birds one stone?

 

Harry Styles: Did you tell Jasmine you’re going to Ireland?

 

Niall Horan: None of her business.

 

Harry Styles: She’s your manager; I think she’d like to know.

 

Niall Horan: Oops look my plane is boarding.

 

Harry Styles: Niall.

 

Harry Styles: I’m going to give Jasmine some free legal advice: drop you as a client.

 

Harry sent a screenshot of his text to Jasmine saying just that, and put his phone away.

 

Before he could even organize the files Linda gave him, it was time for his dinner meeting. He sighed and shrugged on his oxford and jacket, opting for no tie. Jason could deal with him being a little casual. Harry didn’t get back to the office till just before midnight, warming up a cup of coffee from the break room, he checked his personal phone again.

 

Niall Horan: Ha. Ha. She loves me too much to drop me.

 

Niall Horan: Shit she’s mad.

 

Gemma Styles: Fucker! Mum says you have a date!! I’m not letting you get married before I do. Call me with the details,, love you!

 

Louis Tomlinson: I know Niall was scouting me at the airport today.

 

Harry laughed, feeling his cheeks flush. He was going to _kill_ Niall when he got back. He immediately called Louis, not even thinking about the time, luckily he picked up quickly.

 

‘Hey, what’s up?’ Louis asked, the sound of a muffled TV in the background.

 

‘I’m so sorry. I’m going to _kill_ Niall.’ He growled, no real malice in his voice.

 

Louis laughed, ‘It’s alright, it’s good to have friends who care about you so much.’ Harry flicked on the lights to his office.

 

‘How’d you know Niall was there because of me?’ Harry asked while he flipped through another stack of papers.

 

‘My little sister, Fizzy, is obsessed with him, and I recognized you from his instagram, put two and two together. Also, he’s not very subtle.’ There was some commotion on Louis’ end. ‘Yes, it’s Harry, leave me alone!’ Louis said, a little muffled.

 

‘Everything okay over there?’ Harry asked, holding in his laughter.

 

‘Yes! Yeah, sorry, just my nosy roommate and his boyfriend. Speaking of which, why are you even here? Don’t you pay rent somewhere else?’ Louis said loudly. Harry pulled out his highlighter and flipped open one of his old law books. ‘Anyway, what are you up to so late?’

 

‘At the office, these divorce negotiations for one of my clients is getting a little tricky.’

 

‘Harry, it’s midnight!’ He shrugged, knowing Louis couldn’t see.

 

‘I want them to have the best. Don’t worry about it. Besides, what are _you_ doing up?’ He said accusingly.

 

Louis sounded a little strained when he said, ‘Just couldn’t sleep.’ Harry really wanted to know what was wrong.

 

‘No other reason?’ He asked hesitantly. Louis sighed.

 

‘The other reason is like fifth date stuff.’ He said simply.

 

‘You can talk to me if you want, we’re friends first, Louis. I care about you.’ Well this conversation took a somber turn. Harry closed the file and pushed back in his chair.

 

Louis sighed again. There was some shuffling and then a click of a door, suddenly quieter. ‘Okay, well, you know I have insomnia, right?’ Harry hummed in response. ‘Well you don’t know _why_ I have insomnia.’ Louis paused.

 

‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want me to know right now, if it’s too personal.’ He said quietly.

 

‘I have nightmares, typically, when I sleep.’ Harry didn’t know what to say to that. Before he could craft a response Louis rushed on. ‘They used to be night terrors, which is just as horrifying as it sounds. It’s been like, seven years since I was over there, but every time I close my eyes, it’s like I’m right back there again.’

 

‘Over where?’ Harry could guess, but they’d never talked about it before.

 

‘Oh, uh, I guess I never mentioned it. I enlisted when I was 18, did tours in Iraq till they stationed me stateside at 24, after a really bad airstrike and I fucked up my knee.’

 

‘Louis…’ Harry paused, running a hand down his face. ‘Wow, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.’

 

‘Don’t be! So many other guys have it worse, I’m just happy I can still walk, and can keep a job. I have much more than a lot of my friends from back then. That sounds horribly cynical, I’m sorry, I knew I should have waited to tell you. I put you in an awkward position.’

 

‘No, Louis, you’re fine. Thank you for telling me. I appreciate your honesty. I wish I could do something to help you. I care about you so much.’

 

‘Thank you.’ Louis said so quietly he could barely hear it. ‘Anyway! I’ll let you get back to work! I shouldn’t be taking up your time like this.’ He said with a very abrupt change of mood.

 

‘You’re my number one priority, you’re never taking up too much of my time.’ Harry blushed.

 

‘As sweet as that is, I should probably go make sure Zayn and Liam don’t start fucking on the couch.’ And the walls go up. Harry sighed; getting Louis to be vulnerable was like pulling teeth.

 

‘All right, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight.’ Harry smiled sadly and turned his computer back on.

 

‘Goodnight, Harry. And, thanks for listening. I care about you too.’ Before Harry could react, Louis hung up.

 

He stayed staring at his phone for a few more minutes before putting it in his desk. That was probably the most honest and sentimental conversation Harry had ever had with Louis. He knew Louis had secrets, and was very guarded about his history and personal life, but he also knew Louis wouldn’t keep secrets without reason, and that he’d reveal them when he was comfortable. Over all, Harry just felt lucky to be near him, just observing. One day, though, he hoped Louis would really let him in. But Harry could wait.


	4. What do You Want?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere!! Cliff hanger ending (sort of) I love the drama. Next update will be up in a few days.
> 
> As always, leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed, love hearing from y'all!

One hour before Harry would be there to pick Louis up and he still wasn’t ready. Louis stood in the middle of his room, towel wrapped around his waist, clothes thrown on his bed. ‘ZAYN!’ He shouted, Zayn appeared in an instant, eyes wide. When he spotted Louis though he relaxed and rolled his eyes.

 

‘I thought it was an emergency. Don’t use that tone. What’s the matter?’ He asked and leaned against the doorway.

 

‘This is an emergency. What should I wear? How should I do my hair? Is it too late so cancel?’ Louis ran a hand down his face and crossed his arms.

 

‘I think I should educate you on what’s really an emergency and what’s not.’ He sighed, moving toward Louis’ closet. ‘Since you don’t know what you’re doing, I’d go with something simple.’ He held up a black button down. ‘Quiff your hair because you always feel more confident when you do.’ He handed him a pair of black skinny jeans. ‘And, no, you can’t cancel. You’re going to go and have a good time.’ Zayn threw a pair of dress shoes down in front of him. ‘Now get going, you have 45 minutes.’

 

Louis eyes bugged out a little and he rushed to the bathroom to do his hair. He was still buttoning up his shirt when there was a knock at the door. ‘STALL PLEASE!’ Louis shouted, hoping his front door was thick enough that Harry hadn’t heard him. Zayn went to open the door and Louis took one last look in the mirror, rolling up his sleeves. One last deep breath before he walked out to greet Harry.

 

‘Hey.’ He said quietly, going over to Harry and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

 

‘Wow, you look stunning.’ Harry said, holding him at arms length. Louis tried not to blush.

 

‘I see you met my roommate, Zayn.’ He never knew how to take a compliment, deflection worked well enough.

 

‘Yeah! You didn’t tell me he was a caterer; I used to work in a bakery. Always said if law school didn’t work out, I’d go back to it.’ He said with a loud laugh.

 

‘I’ve been saying we need a good baker; it’d really make my business a complete package. If you’re ever interested.’ Zayn joked. ‘Anyway, you guys go, have fun. Thanks, Harry, for getting Louis out of the house, he’s always a nuisance when I’m trying out new recipes.’

 

‘I’m not that bad!’ Louis said, moving to put on his jacket.

 

Harry laughed again, ushering Louis out the door. ‘Nice meeting you, Zayn.’

 

‘Now can you tell me where we’re going?’ Louis asked impatiently, sliding into Harry’s car.

 

‘Nope. You’ll find out when we get there.’ He winked and pulled onto the street. Louis huffed and crossed his arms. Harry laughed and shook his head. ‘Be patient, trust me.’

 

‘I trust you, but you should know by now I’m not patient about anything.’ Louis smiled tightly and flexed his fingers, trying his best to stave off his anxiety.

 

‘I know I said before, but you look gorgeous tonight, Louis.’ Harry said, taking his hand.

 

‘I know, thanks.’ Fake, exaggerated confidence always works. When Louis looked out the window, he saw they we’re starting to leave LA, but he refrained from asking again.

 

Harry’s thumb rubbed circles into the back of his hand. Normally, Louis hated holding hands. He felt anchored, and not in a good way, like he was being smothered. But somehow, when Harry held his, he didn’t feel the immediate need to pull away. He kind of liked it, even though Harry was now very aware how clammy Louis’ hands were.

 

When they turned onto a gravel road, however, Louis really perked up, chewing the inside of his cheek to stop himself from talking. Harry must have sensed the change, because he immediately said, ‘Not much farther, don’t worry Louis, you’re gonna love it. With a small ‘I hope’ tacked on at the end. Louis assumed he wasn’t supposed to hear that part.

 

Louis hadn’t really thought about it, but Harry must have been nervous. He was so caught up in his own insecurities that he hadn’t even considered how Harry might be feeling. He smiled at him, hopefully in an encouraging way. Louis suspected it came across more like a grimace.

 

Harry pulled up behind a massive building, they were in quite a large parking lot but it was empty except for one other car. When they got out, Louis saw a man loitering by the entrance of the building. Harry put his hand on the small of Louis’ back and ushered him forward. When the man saw them he smiled and unlocked the door behind him. ‘Have a great night, Mr. Styles. I’ll be back at one to lock up.’ He said, nodding to Louis before he left to get back in his truck. Louis looked up at Harry quizzically.

 

It wasn’t till Harry flicked on the lights that Louis figured it out. They were at the Griffith Observatory. Louis had been here a few times before, when Stan wanted to see the touristy side of LA, but he’d never seen it empty, it was usually packed full of tourists and school field trips. It felt like he had walked into another dimension. Harry dropped his hand when Louis stepped forward, jaw hanging wide open. There were huge models of the solar system spaced out across the room, constellations lit up in 3-D display on their pedestals. He suddenly wheeled around, ‘Harry Styles, what did we say about keeping it simple? Did you rent out the entire Griffith Observatory?’ Harry laughed loudly and held out his hand.

 

‘This isn’t even the best part.’ Completely unashamed. They walked to a small door in the back. ‘We get to look through the telescope!’ He said brightly. Louis shook his head and followed him inside. ‘Don’t worry though, I had dinner sent in. But, before we get to that, Saturn is about to fly over and I wanted to catch it.’ He said, going over to the very intimidating control panel.

 

‘When did you become a master astrologist?’ Louis joked, spinning around in one of the wheelie stools in front of the telescope.

 

Harry laughed again, ‘I’m not. They showed me how to do it this morning.’ Some very loud motors whirred as the ceiling opened up.

 

‘So you cheated?’ He said accusingly.

 

‘Well if I only took you to do stuff I’m really good at, I think you’d get pretty bored.’ He said, continuing to type very official looking things into one of the computers. ‘Do you have any hidden talents to speak of? Seeing as this is probably my only one.’ Louis seriously doubted that, as charming as Harry was, he was probably good at everything he tried.

 

‘Soccer, assembling a wide range of weaponry.’ He thought for a minute. ‘I know how to fly a helicopter?’ Harry looked up at him, eyes wide.

 

‘Really?’ Louis nodded. ‘That’s so fucking cool.’

He blushed and shrugged. Harry needed to stop paying him compliments, but also he should very much continue paying him compliments.

 

‘Okay, I think it’s right.’ Harry checked his watch. ‘We have 7 minutes, and you’ll either be incredibly amazed, or incredibly disappointed.’ Louis bit his tongue so he wouldn’t make a joke about how sexual that sounded. Harry must have noticed because he rolled his eyes and walked over to where Louis was sitting. He looked up at him and heard Harry’s breath catch. He brought a hand and brushed his fingers over Louis’ cheekbones. Louis tried to tame his face to not reveal how panicked he was. Luckily, Harry’s alarm went off. They moved over to the eyepiece and he motioned for Louis to look first.

 

Louis was not prepared for what he saw. It was Saturn all right, just like it looked in the science books he studied in school, but instead of it being a photograph, it was very, very real. Like it was right fucking there. ‘That’s incredible.’ He whispered, squeezing Harry’s hand. He pulled away to let him have a look.

 

‘Wow.’ Was all Harry said when he peered in, Louis could definitely relate. “Space is so cool!’ He exclaimed when he looked back up. Louis laughed loudly, spitting a little. What a dork.

 

‘You’re such a dork!’ He said, doubling over as he laughed. Harry pouted beside him, crossing his arms.

 

‘Hey. I’m right though, space is super cool.’ Louis just started up laughing again, and Harry couldn’t help but crack a smile. ‘Anyway, I have more to show you so get it together and follow me.’ Louis was still chuckling when he followed Harry out the back door.

 

Once his eyes adjusted, he was stunned speechless again. They were outside; a small picnic blanket lay out in the lawn behind the observatory. It was the view, though, that left him without words. The moon was waning, and there were millions of stars, the mountains to their left hid most of them, but to the right you could almost see over the horizon. LA spread out before them, just as bright as the stars.

 

‘I got dinner from my favorite taco stand in Pasadena. I thought we could just eat on the floor.’ Harry said as he gracefully sat down. Louis blinked at him.

 

‘I’m way too old for this.’ He said, squatting down, trying not to look like so much of a fool.

 

‘You’re not that old!’ Harry exclaimed, popping open a bottle of wine.

 

’33 is ancient; I think I’m starting to get arthritis.’ Harry looked at him pointedly. ‘Okay, maybe not, but it feels old when I think about it too much.’ Louis took a sip of his wine and lay down so he could look up at the stars. ‘This is beautiful, Harry. Thank you.’ He smiled over at him.

 

A blush crept up Harry’s neck. ‘I’m gad you like it.’ He said in a small voice.

 

They talked while they ate, all the stuff they had never explored before. Louis was always careful never to reveal too much. He was good at deflection, and good at making Harry laugh till wine snorted out of his nose, which also proved to be a good distraction. He could tell that Harry noticed though. After a while he stopped pressing to ask some of the more intimate questions. Louis felt a little guilty about it.

 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever asked where you’re from.’ Louis said after a while. ‘I just kind of figured you got asked a lot because of the accent, and I didn’t want to annoy you.’ He admitted.

 

‘I’m from a small town in Cheshire. I got my bachelor’s degree from Manchester, and my law degree from Cambridge. I opened my firm in London then moved it over here two years ago. And you wouldn’t have annoyed me, I do get asked a lot though.’ He laughed good-naturedly. Harry was too fucking nice.

 

‘I called it. Why’d you move from London? I’d think you’d want to stay closer to home.’ Louis knew how close Harry was to his older sister, Gemma.

 

‘Niall signed with Capitol Records.’ He shrugged. ‘I negotiated his first contract back when he was just starting out in London, and I negotiated this last one. I really owe most of my success to him, and with him here, I couldn’t have been his lawyer all the way in London. Besides, moving to another country with my best mate? Who could ask for a better adventure?’

 

‘I doubt he’s the reason for _all_ of your success.’ Louis said, taking another sip of wine.

 

‘You’ve never seen me in front of a judge, I could be a horrible lawyer.’ Harry said with a sly smile. Louis scoffed. ‘No, I did put a lot of hard work into it. But I wont ignore the fact that I had many more opportunities than other people.’ He nodded to himself, lounging back on his elbows. ‘You’re from Ohio, right?’

 

‘Yeah, Cincinnati. My mom and stepdad still live there. My two oldest sisters are out of the house, Lottie works in the city and Fizz goes to Ohio State. I’m really proud of them.’ Louis missed them so much. It had been almost a year since Lottie had visited, even longer since he saw any of his other siblings.

 

‘Just two sisters?’ Louis burst out laughing.

 

‘Oh no! I have six in total; the last four are still at home. Two sets of twins, I don’t know how my mom does it.’ Harry’s eyes looked like they were about to fall out of his head.

 

‘Seven children?’ He said in awe. ‘That’s incredible, your mum must be an amazing woman, especially since all her kids turned out so well.’ He added with a wink.

 

‘No, that’s just me.’ Louis joked. ‘No, She is incredible. I miss her a lot. I haven’t seen her since I moved to LA.’ Keep this up and Louis would probably start crying.

 

‘How long is that?’ Harry asked, brushing their hands together where Louis’ lay in his lap.

 

‘Three years.’ He mumbled.

 

‘Oh my god, Louis. I’m so sorry.’ Louis sniffled a little and rubbed at his nose.

 

‘Yeah, well, things happen like that.’ It felt too manipulative to complain about money to someone as generous as Harry. He could get ideas to do things that Louis _definitely_ did not deserve. ‘But it’s okay! I still talk to them all a lot. Lottie came out to visit last year.’ Harry smiled at him a little sadly.

 

‘What made you move so far away from them?’ He asked. Louis bit his tongue, tasting a little blood. He swallowed it down and decided for once in his fucking life he could be vulnerable.

 

‘When I got back on medical leave, I was stationed in Key West. I did that for a few years and retired when I was 28. You can only really get so far in the Navy without a college degree, and I figured I was tapped out.’ He said sheepishly. ‘I met a guy and it got too serious so I panicked. And moved all the way across the country. Which I realize now was a gross over exaggeration.’

 

Harry pulled his hand away. ‘If things are ever moving too quickly with us, or I do anything to make you uncomfortable, you can tell me.’ Louis’ heart dropped. He didn’t want Harry to be hesitant around him. He reached out and took Harry’s hand again, kissing his knuckles.

 

‘Of course. But, I know what I want with you.’ He gave him a small smile. As freaked out as Louis was, he knew for certain he wanted Harry. He wanted _this_ , even though every fiber of his being told him he was undeserving, that he would ruin it before it even started, he _wanted_ it. No matter how lost he felt.

 

Harry moved his hand and cupped his cheek, thumbing at Louis’ jaw. He leaned in close and whispered. ‘I think I want the same thing.’


	5. Are you sure?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I got out of sequence, this is another chapter from Louis' perspective. My overdramatic emo heart loved writing this. The plot will thicken soon though, get ready. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> As always, love to hear from y'all! Leave kudos or comments if you enjoy :) Thanks for reading!

Louis closed the door behind him, leaning his back up against it and slumping to the floor. He sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair. Zayn smirked at him over the edge of the couch. ‘How’d it go?’ He asked with a wink.

 

‘Fuck.’ Louis said, banging the back of his head against the door. ‘It was incredible.’

 

‘Incredible like, ‘wow that’s a really well planned out date and they respected me’ or incredible like, ‘I felt a real connection with them and want to see them again’?’

 

‘You know me too well.’ Louis said with a sigh. He hauled himself off the ground and went to the kitchen for some water, stripping off his shirt and kicking off his shoes. ‘It was the second one, I think. But, I mean, objectively, it was a really nice date.’

 

Zayn handed him a puff of his cigarette, ‘Go ahead and tell me about all your hang ups, I know you want to.’

 

‘He works a lot.’ Zayn nodded. ‘I don’t know any of his friends.’ He nodded again. ‘He’s really rich.’

 

‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ Louis shrugged.

 

‘I don’t know, it just makes me feel weird about stuff. Like, I think spending $12 on dinner is extravagant. Can he relate to that? Can I complain about that stuff without sounding like I’m asking for favors? We’re in different worlds, it doesn’t make sense.’ Louis picked at his jeans.

 

‘That’s stupid.’ Zayn said, wedging his feet under Louis’ thigh. ‘I think you know Harry’s not like that. He doesn’t care about that stuff.’ Louis rolled his eyes and gave him a blank stare.

 

‘You met him once.’

 

‘Yeah, and only a complete douchebag would act the way you very obviously expect him to, and he’s not a complete douchebag. I think I can judge at least that much in one meeting.’ Zayn got up and tamped out his cigarette, closing the window. ‘And for your other problems, offer to meet his friends. We can have a party at Liam’s and invite all of your friends and you can tell him to invite some of his. It’ll be fun. As far as the work stuff goes, you’ll just have to wait and see if he makes room.’ He shrugged, walking back over to the couch.

 

‘All right, I’ll let you get to bed. Thanks for waiting up.’ Louis said, making his way to his room.

 

Once he was in bed, he stared at the ceiling for a few hours. When he finally drifted off, the nightmares returned and he woke up in a cold sweat. ‘Fuck.’ He mumbled, pushing his palms into his eyes, the back of his head throbbing. Brain on autopilot, he shakily gets out of bed, wincing where his sweat soaked pajamas cling to him. His body convulses a few times when his feet touch the cold tiles of his bathroom, but he manages to get the shower running. He hugs himself so tightly, trying any way to keep his body heat, even considers stepping under the hot water with his clothes still on. But he thinks better of it and struggles free of his shirt and boxers, not without almost collapsing a few times. He squats down on the toilet for a beat, catching his breath and getting the black spots out from in front of his eyes.

 

When he steps out of the shower, he pulls on dry clothes and collapses on the couch, leaving his soaked sheets to deal with later.

 

His mornings go like that well into the next week. By the time Wednesday rolls around, his head is pounding so hard he can barely hear when people talk to him and his eyes are bloodshot and droopy. He’s on the bus home from work when his phone blares loudly from his pocket.

 

‘Hello?’ He mumbles without bothering to look at the caller ID.

 

‘Louis?’ It’s Harry. Shit he was supposed to call him. He’d sent texts; all went unanswered, even a phone call, before he had obviously given up.

 

‘Oh.’ He said quietly, bouncing in his seat as the bus rounded a corner.

 

Harry was quiet for a beat, waiting for Louis to say something. ‘Are you alright?’

 

He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. They were disgustingly gritty and dry from lack of sleep, and definitely bruised. ‘I’m alright.’ He was too exhausted to say how sorry he was for missing his calls, for falling off the face of the earth. Louis so desperately wanted Harry to know how much he appreciated him, to explain how broken he still was, too broken for a relationship that Harry deserved.

 

‘Is – is there something wrong? Did I do anything?’ He asked hesitantly.

 

‘No, you didn’t. Look, can we do this later. I’m exhausted.’ Not that there was any guarantee he wouldn’t be more exhausted later.

 

‘Okay, sure. I’m sorry.’

 

‘Don’t be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’ll call you later.’ He hung up quickly, dropping his phone back into his lap.

 

Louis and Nick had worked in Florida so well. They didn’t really go on dates; they barely saw each other really. Sometimes they went weeks without seeing or talking to each other. It was so casual; Louis had had the freedom to go on binges like this, without worry about anyone else. Even when they eventually lived together, they had different schedules. It worked because it was hardly a relationship, just two people with separate lives who occasionally had sex.

 

Louis wanted more, of course. But he knew he didn’t want it with Nick. He also knew he definitely wanted it with Harry. That just made it more frustrating when this episode had started. Bringing into stark reality just how debilitating his insomnia was.

 

Heading right to the fire escape when he arrived home, he chain-smoked 3 cigarettes before he heard the door open. He furiously stamped out his fourth before Zayn could chastise him. Yeah smoking made him stay awake, but at this point, staying awake was better than the nightmares.

 

But it wasn’t Zayn who tapped on the window, grabbing his attention. It was Harry. He blinked at him for a minute before slowly sliding the window open.

 

‘What are you doing?’ He asked in what he hoped was not as biting a tone.

 

‘Zayn told me you were home. I wanted to talk.’ Louis squeezed his eyes shut pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘If you want me to leave, I can.’ He said, stepping away. Louis quickly reached out and grabbed at Harry’s arm.

 

‘No, don’t.’ He hauled himself through the window, shivering violently. Bullshit that LA didn’t get cold. ‘You’re here, let’s talk.’ He sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket around his legs. Harry took a seat opposite him, still looking at him with concerned, squinted eyes.

 

‘No offence, but you hardly look alright.’ He said, reaching out a hand and rubbing Louis’ ankle.

 

‘I’m not sleeping. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I haven’t slept all week. A few hours here and there, but nothing substantial.’ He looked down, fiddling with his hands in his lap. ‘I wanted to call you. But I couldn’t come up with an excuse not to let you see me again. I know I look a mess, you don’t need to be a part of this.’ He curled into himself, pulling his feet away from Harry’s hand.

 

‘I want to be a part of this.’ He said, sounding incredibly sincere. Louis sighed loudly.

 

‘No, you don’t. No one does, it’s bad enough Zayn feels he has to take care of me so much. You don’t know what this is, Harry. It’s a lot, I really appreciate your sentiment, but I think I need to get myself together before I can see you again.’ He pointedly didn’t make eye contact. ‘I really fucked this up.’ He sighed, rolling his head against the back of the couch.

‘Why wont you give us a chance? You don’t know everything about me; you don’t know this wont work. You don’t need to be perfect to be in a relationship. We all have problems.’ Louis’ head snapped up, eyes boring into Harry’s.

 

‘My problems aren’t normal, Harry. They’re not typical baggage someone brings into a relationship. My problems have high mortality rates and they require professional help. This –‘ He says, motioning to his sunken in eyes, and general appearance. ‘Happens a lot. I’ve used up all my sick days, and I’ve started using my vacation days to get out of having to go to work like this. And I’m sorry, but it’s always been my experience that neurotypical people give up. You wont know what to do, and eventually you’ll just give up even trying.’ He pushed himself off the couch and paced to the window. ‘And when you do, I wouldn’t even blame you.’ He mumbled, mostly to himself.

 

‘Louis, I know you’re not going to believe me but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m not going to abandon you when things get bad.’ He heard Harry get up from the couch, but make no moves toward Louis. ‘Listen, I guess. Yeah, before, I would have left. I wouldn’t have even made it this far.’ Louis flinched internally. ‘But, Louis.’ Harry hesitantly brushed his fingers against Louis’ arm. He pulled away instantly. ‘I met _you_. I met you and you made me want to stay. You’re so special. I don’t know what it is. I can’t put it into words yet. All I know is I would move heaven and earth to be with you; even like this. Even if all I could do is watch you suffer, even if there was no way I could help you, I would want to be with you, suffering alongside you. You don’t have to be alone just because you’re hurting.’

 

Louis turned his head, arms still crossed, to look at Harry. He was still reaching out a hand, obviously undecided on whether or not he should touch him. He pulled it back, laying it limply at his side. Louis pursed his lips and turned to face him full on. ‘I want to believe you, I want to trust you, but it’s really hard for me to believe you. I know your intentions aren’t to abandon me. I would never thing that of you. But if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that intentions are not executions.’ He suddenly felt light headed; his eyelids drooped, almost closing. He grabbed onto the wall for support. ‘I can’t do this right now.’ Louis said weakly.

 

Harry reached out again, now with urgent concern. Without preamble, he took Louis’s arm and guided him to the couch. Jumping back up he rushed to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water that Louis took gratefully. He squatted down so he was eye level with Louis, watching him drink. He took the glass when he emptied it, setting it off to the side. Harry took his hand, massaging his thumb into his wrist. Louis’ head tipped back and he bit his lip, fighting back irrational tears.

 

He brushed his knuckles over Louis’ forehead, reaching up to kiss his cheek. ‘What can I do?’ He asked quietly.

 

‘Just –‘ Louis thought for a beat, he had no idea what Harry could do. Nothing ever helped. ‘Just stay here for a bit.’ He sighed, closing his eyes. He felt Harry shift next to him, folding his legs under himself, kneeling on the floor.

 

‘I can do that.’ He said just as quietly, wiping the tears from Louis’ cheeks. When the fuck did he start crying? Everything is stupid.

 

It was quiet, so quiet. The hum of the refrigerator and Harry’s steady breathing was the only sound. For the first time in weeks, Louis’ mind was clear. His ears weren’t ringing; his thoughts were stilled.

 

Next thing he knew, he was in his bed, lights off, door agar. He could hear voices spilling over from the next room. He checked the time on the clock next to his bed. Nine fifty three. He’d slept for four hours. He slept for four hours and he didn’t wake up in a cold sweat. He didn’t remember a single dream. He didn’t even feel jittery or shakey.

 

Stretching out his back he got up and walked toward the source of the voices. He spotted Harry first, his back to Louis. Liam stood across from him, looking concerned. Out of everything, Louis hated being talked about when he wasn’t there the most. He placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder, making his presence known.

 

Harry jumped, pushing himself off the door jam, curling his hand around Louis’ hip. Surprisingly, he didn’t shy away, though he didn’t quite meet Harry’s eyes when he looked at him.

 

‘Hi.’ He said in a small voice.

 

‘How did you sleep? Are you alright?’ Harry asked, his conversation with Liam completely abandoned.

 

‘Yeah, good, I’m good. Slept well, thanks.’ He nodded to himself, curling his arms around his middle. ‘Thank you.’ He said finally meeting Harry’s gaze.

 

He smiled faintly, before moving toward the fridge. ‘I didn’t know when you’d be up, but I made you something to eat.’

 

Louis stepped past Liam toward the sink, patting down his face with cool water. ‘You didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to stay for so long either. Why didn’t you go home?’ He asked, still facing the sink.

 

He heard Liam move toward the living room, giving Harry and Louis their space. Harry moved to lean against the counter next to Louis, their fingers pressed together.

 

‘Do you want me to go?’ He asked shyly.

Louis reached out, taking his hand. ‘No. I’m glad you stayed. Just, you didn’t have to.’

 

‘I wanted to. I sat with you for a while, and then when I figured you were really asleep I carried you to your bed. Then when Zayn and Liam got home I made them dinner, and some for you as well. I wanted to make sure you were all right.’

 

Harry rubbed his fingers into Louis’ side, and Louis wanted to hate it. He wanted to push Harry away and stick to his guns. That he doesn’t need anyone, he doesn’t want help, and he sure as hell doesn’t want a boyfriend. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Because he did want help, he knew he couldn’t do it by himself, and he wanted Harry. He was tired of trying so fucking hard to be fine. _I deserve someone who will take care of me_. He thought to himself.

 

‘Do you want to talk now? It’s kind of late, we can do this later.’ Louis said softly, fidgeting with the hem of Harry’s sweater.

 

‘Yeah, we can talk. Eat something though, you’ll feel better.’ He waived a piece of pizza in front of his face.

 

_I’m fine._ Was on this tip of his tongue, but he took the pizza anyway. ‘Did you make this from scratch?’ He asked with raised eyebrows. Harry shrugged. ‘Impressive.’

 

He led the way back to his room, settling himself in the middle of his bed. Harry hovered by the door awkwardly.

 

‘You can sit down.’ He said, moving a pillow out of the way. He sat gingerly and Louis rolled his eyes, pulling Harry’s arm. He pulled off his glasses, squinting, before putting them back on his nose. ‘So…’

 

‘I know we should talk but I don’t know what about.’ Harry chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

‘Well, um. I’m sorry I freaked out earlier. It’s just been –‘ He rubbed his clammy hands on his sweatpants. ‘It’s just been a hard week.’

 

‘You don’t need to be sorry.’ He reached for Louis’ hand, clasping it in both of his own.

 

‘I’ll be honest, I don’t really remember what we said before I fell asleep, I was pretty out of it. But I just feel like you should know, I don’t know what I want right now. I don’t know what I can handle, I don’t know my limits.’ He thought for a minute. ‘Okay that first bit was a lie, I do know what I want.’ He smiled at Harry shyly.

 

‘I don’t want to push you into something you’re not comfortable with. But I also want to be a part of your life, if you’ll have me. This is like, a learning process for both of us. Foreign territory.’ He shrugged, playing with Louis’ fingers.

Louis groaned loudly, falling back against his pillows. Why did he have so many fucking pillows on his bed? ‘Let’s just go for it.’ He felt Harry freeze beside him with a sharp inhale. He tugged on his hand.

 

‘Are you sure?’ He asked, voice tight.

 

‘Yeah. I’m sure.’ Louis said, smiling up at him. Maybe things would be okay.

 

The grin that split Harry’s face was worth everything. Louis laughed, covering his face with his arms. Harry gently moved them away, hovering over him on the bed.

 

‘This okay?’ He asked, eyes dropping to Louis’ lips.

 

He quirked them up, ‘Yeah.’

 

Harry immediately crashed his mouth into his. It was mostly teeth because they were both grinning, but it was perfect.


	6. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on track with Harry's perspective again. Sorry it took me so long to update, I've been out of town. And sorry I'm always dragging out the plot, but I really can't help it. I live for the fluff.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated :) thank y'all so much for reading! Next update will be quick.

Things don’t much change after that. Harry is still busy with work; Louis still has nightmares. But they made it work. It was two months of casual dates after work; weekends spent lounging around with Selene, and trips to the grocery store late at night because that’s the only time they have to spend with each other. It’s domestic and just what Harry wanted, but he can’t help but feel like Louis is just playing along. He hates himself for assuming it. Some times, often times, Louis seems so genuine, like he enjoys Harry’s company and really wants this too. Occasionally, though, he can hear the strain behind his forced laugh, notices the dullness behind his eyes. He so desperately wants to comment on it, but he always refrains. But Harry knew this is what he was getting into, Louis made that much clear from the start.

 

The holidays were fast approaching, and Harry _loved_ Christmas. But, unsurprisingly, he hadn’t celebrated Thanksgiving since moving to the states. He had a few American friends, but none of them close enough to actually invite him into their home. But this year he found himself in front of a stranger’s apartment, bottle of wine in hand, mustering up courage to knock.

 

Louis told him to meet there, that he had come on ahead to help with the day’s preparations. Niall was supposed to come along too, him and Louis had hit it off like old friends when they met officially, but he was running late. Harry didn’t think he had ever been more nervous in his life. He had met most of Louis’ friends, but today he was supposed to meet them _all_.

 

Stepping forward and taking a deep breath, he knocked. The door immediately flung open, a cheerful blonde on the other side.

‘You must be Harry!’ She was carrying a mixing bowl filled with some pasty mixture, covered almost head to toe in flour, but her grin was contagious. ‘Come in, come in! I’m Perrie, you can take off your shoes, I’ll take your coat.’ She floundered around the entryway and tried to juggle one of her hands free to take Harry’s things.

 

‘Just tell me where to put it, you’ve got your hands full.’ He smiled, tremendously more at ease.

 

‘Thank you! Wine goes in the kitchen, you really shouldn’t have, and coats in Jesy’s room, second door on your right, down that hall. Make yourself at home!’ She said in a rush.

 

‘Something’s burning!’ A voice that was distinctly Louis’ called from the other end of the flat.

 

‘Well take it off the stove then!’ Perrie called back, rushing toward the kitchen. Harry deposited his things where he was told, following the sound of people arguing.

 

‘Do you honestly expect me to know which one of these things is burning, Per? I don’t even know what half these dishes are!’ Louis was exclaiming when Harry walked in. He was perched on the counter, eating marshmallows from the bag. ‘Hi babe!’ He called cheerfully, beckoning him over.

 

Harry slotted himself between his legs, kissing him quietly. ‘Anything I can do to help?’ He asked, turning around in Louis’ arms.

 

‘Thank you for offering, Harry! How incredibly gracious of you!’ Perrie said pointedly glaring at Louis behind him. ‘But no, it’s all good, Jesy should be back soon, she’s picking up her fiancé.’ He said in a softer tone.

 

‘I did help! I vacuumed your whole place, set the table, put up decorations! I even looked up how to fold the napkins like you wanted.’ Louis replied indignantly.

 

There was a sharp knock followed by the front door opening. Zayn and Liam came in first, followed by two other girls Harry didn’t know.

 

‘Did you put the game on yet?’ Liam asked, stealing a bite of mashed potatoes.

 

‘No, we were watching the parade. You can change it, but no swiping! I have appetizers coming out soon.’ Perrie said, batting his hands away and kissing everyone on the cheek.

 

Louis pat him on the side, motioning toward the living room. Harry moved to get out of the way, noticing for the first time that he was wearing a knee brace. ‘Are you okay?’ He asked, tapping it.

 

Louis waived him off. ‘Yeah, fine, just acting up a bit, you know how it is.’ No, Harry really didn’t, but he nodded anyway. ‘That’s Gigi and Kendall, by the way, the two girls with Liam and Zayn. They’re Perrie’s model friends, incredibly annoying, steer clear.’ He said in a hushed whisper.

 

Jesy poked her head in not long after they had settled in front of the TV, with what Harry assumed was her fiancé close behind her. ‘Oh! Hello, Harry, great to see you.’ She said with a smile.

 

‘Hey mate, I’m Jake.’ Jesy’s fiancé said, his southern accent stark against all the American ones in the room.

 

‘Oh! Hey, let me guess, south London, Surry, probably?’ Harry asked, getting up to shake his hand.

 

‘Yeah! Impressive job, glad to have another Brit around here.’ He said jovially.

 

They all dove in as soon as Perrie brought out the appetizers, mimosas and wine flowing freely. Louis and Liam attempted to explain American football to Harry and the other girls, Leigh-Anne seemed into it, but he just couldn’t get his head around it. A few other people showed up after a while. The flat was spacious but once dinner was about to start, it felt pretty cramped. They were just pulling out folding tables to set up in the living room when Niall showed up.

 

Everyone immediately took to him, as they always do. Maybe it was a little sappy, but Harry was so proud to be his friend.

 

Dinner was amazing and afterward he and Louis shared a piece of pie. Which mostly ended up on the floor because Louis got way too into the football game on the TV. Apparently many teams played on Thanksgiving, which seemed excessive to Harry. But Liam assured him that the Colts playing the Bears was going to be the game of the century.

 

Harry was in the kitchen pouring himself another glass of wine when Louis came in, wrapping his arms around him. ‘Hi.’ He said softly, kissing the side of Harry’s neck.

 

‘Hey.’ He smiled, leaning into Louis’ chest. ‘Thanks for inviting me, this was fun.’ Louis shrugged.

 

‘I couldn’t have you spend Thanksgiving alone, even if you don’t celebrate.’ He reached for Harry’s drink, pulling two pills from his pocket.

 

‘Should you be taking those with alcohol?’ Harry asked, looking concerned.

 

Louis shrugged again, popping them in his mouth. ‘I’ll be fine.’

 

‘I should probably head out soon, I’m gonna call a car around. Do you need a ride?’ He was wary, knowing Louis was bordering on drunk, and now drugged, did not sit well with him.

 

‘Um, yeah, Jesy brought me over. Do you think I could just stay at yours? I don’t have work tomorrow.’ He shrugged, stealing another sip of Harry’s wine.

 

‘Of course, I’m not working tomorrow either, because of the holiday. ‘ He took back the wine and texted his driving service.

 

Once they got back to Harry’s house on the other side of town, it was horribly late and he could barely keep his eyes open. Louis was mostly quiet, which was unusual to say the least. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but figured he would tell him when he wanted to.

 

‘I’m going to take Selene for a walk, go ahead up to bed, no need to stay up for me.’ Louis said after they made it inside. Harry frowned but again, held his tongue.

 

When he woke up that morning, too early and with a headache, Louis was nowhere to be found. The sun was just barely over the horizon as he shuffled into the bathroom to get some asprin. He walked down stairs, after peering curiously in his office upstairs, empty. He found him curled up on a chair in the sitting room closest to the kitchen, Selene at his feet.

 

‘Did you come to bed at all last night?’ Harry asked, stretching out his back. Louis jumped a bit, obviously lost in thought, before he turned around.

 

‘No, sorry.’ He stared at Harry blankly and turned back around to face out the window.

 

‘Anything I can do?’ He tried to be nonchalant but there was a distinct tightness in his voice.

 

Louis shrugged, flexing his knee out in front of him. ‘No.’ Harry stood there a moment longer, staring at the back of Louis’ head, before turning back to the kitchen to make some tea.

 

Louis hadn’t been on a bender like this in a few weeks, and he really hoped this wasn’t the start of a full-fledged episode. But he had a sneaking suspicion it was. After he had a cup to wake up, Harry went back to his room to shower and get dressed, hoping that Louis would join him. When he came back down stairs, it didn’t look like he had moved, except for the mug in his hands.

 

‘Has something happened?’ Harry cringed when he asked. Louis had reemed him out last time he said something like that, ranting about how ‘sometimes these things don’t need a reason, Harry, they just happen! It’s not something in my control!’ He’d learned his lesson.

 

Louis shook his head, taking a sip of his tea. ‘Got a letter the other day, it’s not a big deal.’ He seemed to shake from his stupor then, straightening on the couch. When he turned back to Harry his smile was strained.

 

‘From whom?’ He asked, coming down to sit next to him, curling his arms around Louis’ waist.

 

He sighed, letting his head rest on Harry’s chest. ‘My ex, a wedding invitation for him and his fiancé.’ His arms tightened around him. ‘I don’t even know how he got my address.’ Louis chuckled.

 

‘Are you going to go?’ Harry asked quietly.

 

He shook his head. ‘Probably not, it’s in Florida, after all.’

 

‘Do you want to?’

 

Louis sighed loudly, ‘I don’t know. He wrote a little note to go along with it. Saying he got my address from a friend, and he’s not mad at me anymore, and that he hoped I was happy and had found what I wanted.’

 

Harry nodded, choosing to stay quiet about it for now.

 

‘Enough of that though, what do you want to do today?’ He asked brightly, the sudden chipper attitude giving him whiplash.

 

‘I don’t care; a chill day in would be good. Although I should go out and get some Christmas shopping done.’

 

‘I’ll come with, then, let me go get dressed, I still have that sweater here right?’ Louis had started leaving things over at Harry’s, and vice versa.

 

 

Over the next weeks leading up to Christmas, Harry was extremely busy. He traveled every weekend, and worked long hours into the night. He rarely saw Louis, and he knew he needed to make up for it, but couldn’t think of anything meaningful. Louis’ birthday was Christmas Eve, and apparently there was going to be a big party that afternoon. A couple of days before then, Harry got the perfect idea for Louis’ present. He walked into his apartment. Louis was smoking on the fire escape again, on the phone with someone.

 

Harry shrugged out of his suit jacket and took a seat on the couch, pulling out his work phone to wait. Louis’ voice spilled through the window.

‘Yeah, mom, he’s good to me. Works a lot, but don’t we all?’ He paused obviously for his mother’s reply. ‘Zayn’s going with Liam to visit family. I’ll talk to Harry, but I’m sure he wants to go home for Christmas too. Don’t worry, mom, I’ll be fine, another year alone for Christmas wont kill me.’ He sighed loudly and Harry saw him scrub at his cheeks. ‘Don’t be sorry, mom. I love you. Give a kiss to the twins for me. I’ll get out there eventually, may be getting a raise soon, we’ll see how it goes.’ He swung his legs into the apartment, sliding back through the window. ‘Yeah of course, Happy Christmas, bye.’ He said before he hung up and took a seat next to Harry, giving him a quick kiss.

 

‘You alright?’ Harry asked, looking back at his phone, trying not to look like he was listening in.

 

Louis nodded, reaching for a book on the coffee table. ‘I miss them.’ He said simply, flipping through its pages.

 

 

Harry had been to Liam’s apartment plenty of times before, since that’s where most of Louis’ friends gathered, but he’d never seen it this packed. Zayn and Louis apartment was small, five people could barely make room to sit in the living room, but Liam’s place was much more spacious. Nothing like the penthouses Harry was used to seeing, but still nice.

 

He found Louis in the kitchen, his smile big and a cocktail in his hand. At parties like this, Harry noticed that Louis was always surrounded, everyone giving him rapt attention to listen to his stories and jokes, drinking in his boisterous personality. But every time, without fail, he gave Harry his attention the moment he saw him.

 

The party dragged on well into the evening, and Harry was worried he wouldn’t get away in time, but thankfully the last person left just before eight. Liam waived them on, insisting that he could clean up without them. Louis protested adamantly, but Harry encouraged him back to his car.

 

‘So.’ Harry started, turning onto the freeway. ‘I have a surprise for you: a bit of a birthday present, a bit of a Christmas present.’ He said, tapping the steering wheel nervously.

 

Louis looked at him curiously. ‘I thought you had figured out I don’t like surprises.’ He said brow furrowed curiously.

 

‘I really hope you’ll like this.’ He said, taking the exit for the airport.


	7. Homebound Fixes Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yooooo sorry this is so late, I've actually had it done for a while. Anyway thanks for reading! Leave kudos or comments if you want :) I appreciate every one!

 ‘Harry… Oh my god.’ Louis gasped, standing line for Delta baggage check, still speechless. ‘I can’t believe you did this.’ He had been suspicious when they didn’t take the exit for his flat, or the one for Harry’s home. When they turned toward the airport, Louis insisted Harry explain.

 

 _‘I know it’s a lot, and soon, but I really wanted to do this for you. You have some time off work, I checked with Jesy, and honestly I felt so guilty about working so much these past few weeks. Having to spend so little time with you right around your birthday_ and _a holiday, I wanted to make your present special.’_

_‘Harry, this is more than special. This is ridiculous. I’m not gonna say no though, I guess.’_

 

Harry had thought of everything. He had gotten in contact with his Lottie through Zayn, wanting to make it a surprise for Jay too. He packed up Louis’ things for him, even stopped his mail.

 

Louis was in complete shock until they landed in CVG. He was sat next to their carry on bags while Harry went to baggage claim to get their suitcases. It wasn’t nearly as late as it felt, with the timezones, but he was exhausted, staring off into space while his eyes drooped.

 

He heard his mom before he saw her, Jay’s loud voice coming up from just beyond the airlock leading to the parking lot. ‘It’s so late, Dan, why couldn’t Lottie come here to get this mystery guest she’s invited to my home. We should be back wrapping presents for the twins. The house is a mess too, why’d she spring this on me so suddenly?’ He turned around in a panic, eyes searching through the substantial crowd that had gathered.

 

She looked amazing. Just like he always remembered her, maybe a few more lines and grey hairs, but exactly like his mom. Her hair was long and straight, she was wearing a red sweater and her old trench coat that he always told her to throw out, but she always insisted she couldn’t find one that was warmer. Almost four years and she hadn’t changed a bit.

 

Louis burst into tears, his smile threatening to break his face in two. ‘Mom!’ He shouted over the din of the airport. Not even thinking twice he started to run, not so much run but walk very quickly, toward her and his step-dad. ‘Mom!’ He called again; she turned slightly, still not seeing him. He let out an exasperated sigh. ‘Johannah!’ That got her attention.

 

He barreled into her before he got a chance to even see her reaction. They made quite a scene: clinging to each other so tightly, snot and tears running down onto their clothes. She pulled back just enough to take his face in her hands. ‘It’s really you. Oh, Louis, what a nice surprise, I’ve missed you so much.’ She said; her voice wobbly and eyes rimmed red.

 

‘I missed you too, mom.’ He said, kissing her cheek and crushing her to his chest again, breathing in her perfume.

 

He registered Harry walking up to them, laden down with all their luggage. Louis knew he should pull away and introduce them but at this moment he couldn’t be bothered.

 

‘You must be Harry.’ Dan said from behind him, smile evident in his voice.

 

‘Yes, sir. Nice to meet you in person, thanks for your help in planning all this.’ Jay pulled away to give Louis another water smile before she turned to Harry.

 

‘You did this?’ She asked, still clinging to Louis’ shoulders.

 

Louis turned around as Dan picked up one of their suitcases. ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Harry said, moving to shake her hand. Before he could though, Jay launched herself at him, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

 

‘Thank you so much. I can’t believe it.’ She whispered, almost too quiet to hear.

 

‘Of course, anything for Louis.’ Harry said back, bringing his arms around her a little hesitantly.

 

She stepped back, reaching blindly for Louis’ hand. ‘Well, we should get you boys home. Oh, the twins will just be so happy to see you, Louis! And Felicite! She’ll just be over the moon!’ She pulled him along forcefully toward the car park. ‘I assume Lottie knew about this. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me! And Dan!’ She wheeled around to him. ‘You knew, too!’ He laughed, patting Louis on the shoulder as he and Harry followed with the rest of their bags.

 

‘Lottie told me not to say anything; I don’t think Louis even knew. Did you, son?’ He asked.

 

‘No, no, Harry planned it all. I had no idea till we got to the airport.’ Louis shrugged, his smile never once leaving his face.

 

They all piled into Dan’s car, Harry taking the front so Jay could stay with Louis. They talked on the way home, well Louis mostly just tried to stay awake while Harry filled them in on their journey. The house was quiet when they got in, Lottie wrapping presents in the basement. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out. Both sets of twins were asleep, along with Felicite in the guest room, and since Ernest had taken Louis’ old room, he and Harry were on the sleeper couch in the rec room downstairs. As much as he wanted to stay awake and spend as much time as possible with his mom, he desperately needed rest before the big Christmas celebrations tomorrow.

 

Once they were settled, Louis pulling Harry close against his chest, he kissed down the side of his neck. ‘Thank you so much, I really can’t believe I’m home.’ He whispered, smiling again.

 

Harry turned in his arms, kissing him softly. ‘You deserve it.’ He whispered, falling asleep almost instantly.

 

It was entirely too early to be awake. ‘Mom said not to wake him up, Doris!’ He heard his brother stage whisper from across the room, right before he felt a hard poke to his shoulder.

 

‘Louis!’ Doris said, obviously trying to be quiet, but failing just as bad as her brother.

 

He groaned and rolled over, Harry still fast asleep beside him. ‘M’up, wassit?’ He tried to sit up, his back aching terribly. This couch was probably as old as he was.

 

‘I told her to leave you alone.’ Ernie said, crossing his arms indignantly.

 

Louis smiled, reaching for his glasses. ‘It’s okay. Here, let me.’ He disentangled himself further from Harry’s limbs, careful not to wake him, before grabbing a sweater and ushering his siblings upstairs.

 

‘Now, good morning! Surprise! Merry Christmas!’ He exclaimed after closing the door, pulling them both into a hug.

 

‘No one knew you were coming! I didn’t believe it when Mommy told us!’ Doris said, clinging to his side while they followed Ernie to the dining room.

 

‘I didn’t know I was coming either! It’s a surprised for all of us.’ He smiled, dropping a kiss on top of her head.

 

‘What did I tell you about bothering your brother?’ Jay exclaimed, bringing in another dish of food out from the kitchen for breakfast.

 

‘It’s okay, Mom. I’m gonna assume the girls are still asleep?’ He gave her another big hug and went into the kitchen to start the coffee.

 

‘Typical teenagers, though I guess Fizzy is 21. They’ll be so happy you’re here, though. Lottie will be here for dinner with Ben. Oh, Louis, they make the most beautiful couple. I’m so happy for them.’ She cooed.

 

Dan came down soon after and the twins put in a Christmas movie, after a long argument. Jay insisted on waiting to open presents till everyone was awake, she always had. When Louis was little he _hated_ it because Mark always took so long to wake up on Christmas. He could see the same frustration in Ernie and Doris as they started to pay less attention to Elf on the TV, and more attention to guessing what was in each of their packages.

 

Daisy came down stairs first, in her candy cane pajamas and bunny slippers. She stopped stock still when she saw Louis on the couch, mouth agape, before letting out an excited, but quite loud, scream and hurdling herself at him, successfully waking Phoebe, Felicite, and Harry. Phoebe was equally as glad to see him and there was another long argument between all four of the children as to who got to sit next to Louis while opening presents. Fizzy gave him a quiet hug while everyone was occupied with getting breakfast, her eyes a little damp, though she’d never admit it later.

 

They were hardly children anymore, with Daisy and Phoebe in their senior year of high school, and the other two almost out of middle school. Felicite was even more of an adult, telling Louis all about her new apartment and all her friends at OSU. Louis tried not to dwell on how much he had missed out on in their lives.

 

Harry fit in perfectly, after a long interrogation by Doris. After breakfast, he was the first to get up and help clean the kitchen, even if he didn’t know where anything was. Jay was incredibly chagrined that she didn’t have any presents for Harry, but he insisted it was fine. And because he was probably an angel, he brought out perfectly wrapped presents for all of Louis’ siblings. Thankfully they were all very modest, or else Louis would have had his head.

 

After opening presents, Felicite left to catch up with her friends before Christmas dinner, Daisy and Phoebe disappeared to their rooms, and his parents looked so exhausted, he decided to take the twins off their hands. They all got bundled up to go sledding on the big hill at the end of the road, next to an abandoned strip mall where Louis used to work in high school. When they got there, plenty of other kids and families were frolicking about, it was a popular spot.

 

Harry the most excited to go sledding, out of all of them. Louis teased him relentlessly about it. ‘Lou, do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve gone sledding?’ He asked after his third run.

 

‘I’m going to assume it’s been a while.’ Louis chuckled, letting Doris take his turn. His knee was starting to twinge dangerously and he was already dreading the walk back home.

 

‘Probably twenty years.’ Harry laughed breathlessly, swinging his arm around Louis’ shoulders.

 

‘Is that Louis Tomlinson?’ A familiar voice chimed from behind them.

 

‘Stan!’ He cried, wheeling around to face him, his wife, Beth, not far behind him. They shared a long hug before he pulled Beth in for a kiss on the cheek. ‘You here with the kids?’ Stan and Beth were high school sweethearts; Louis was godfather to their two kids, Michelle and Bobby.

 

‘Yeah, they’ll be so happy to see you, man. I didn’t know you were in town!’ Stan replied, eyes flicking between Louis and Harry behind him.

 

‘Didn’t get in till last night, kind of a surprise visit. This is Harry, by the way, my boyfriend.’ Boyfriend. Louis’ heart pounded in his ears. It still stressed him out to use the title.

 

Harry held out his hand, ‘Pleasure to meet you.’ He smiled politely. Stan raised his eyebrows impressively.

 

‘How long are you guys in town for? We should have you over for dinner.’ He turned to see Beth getting the kids ready to leave. ‘I’ll text you about it. Nice to meet you, Harry!’ He said with a wave and another quick hug for Louis.

 

Doris marched her way back up the hill, her cheeks flushed and hair poking out of her winter hat at odd angles. ‘Louis, I want you to sled with me! Like you used to when I was little.’

 

Louis’ heart broke a little and he smiled sadly. ‘Harry can go with you, I’ve had enough sledding today.’ He knew it’d break her heart, but he didn’t want to strain his knee too much.

  
As predicted, her face fell, but she tried her best to hide it. Harry gave him a concerned look before he stepped up to ride with her.

 

Louis wasn’t as close as he wanted to be with the youngest set of twins. They had been born right around the time he got back from his second tour, and he had tried to spend time with them, but honestly, they were still almost strangers. Last time he had seen them on a semi regular basis was when they were four and five, while he was home after surgery. They knew Louis struggled. They obviously had noticed his absence for the last four years.

 

After another hour, Louis was freezing, standing still on a giant hill, knee deep in snow, was not much fun. Ernest and Doris were good sports about going back, Ernie insisting that Louis help him set up his new Xbox before dinner. Once they got back, Louis immediately headed for the shower, without a second glance at Harry. He knew Harry was just trying to be a nice concerned boyfriend, but right now, that was the last thing he needed.

 

He was still wrapping his knee when Harry came back down, two mugs of hot cocoa in his arms. He grimaced when he looked at Louis’ mottled puffy joint, but thankfully didn’t comment.

 

‘I got you whipped cream and marshmallows because your mom couldn’t remember what you liked.’ He said, schooling his face into a smile.

 

Louis smiled back, taping the last of his ACE bandage before he took the mug with both hands. ‘Thanks. Marshmallows are fine for future reference.’ He took a long sip before rummaging around for his pain medication. He knew he shouldn’t take it; he wanted to be alert for the rest of the day with his family. But he also knew that if he took them, he’d probably be able to sleep tonight, and less irritable during dinner.

 

Lottie showed up in a whirlwind of commotion. Louis was laughing happily with Ernie, Harry pouting after losing yet another game of FIFA. Daisy and Phoebe throwing candy at each other across the room, their attempts at a gingerbread house abandoned. Felicite was teaching Doris and Dan her newest yoga poses. Jay in the kitchen, clanging around with pots and pans. All this rukous on top of loud Christmas carols sung through the speakers.

 

‘We’re here!’ She called over the noise, Ben shoving off his shoes before tossing their presents under the tree.

 

‘Louis! Wow, long time no see. Great to have you back.’ He called, offering a fist bump. Ben was great, but kind of a bro.

 

‘Yeah, man. You look good, Lotts is obviously doing a good job taking care of you.’ He joked.

 

After introductions and welcomes, Lottie, not so subtly, pulled Harry into the dining room. Louis wanted to go after to shield him from what was going to be obviously an unnecessary onslaught, but he let it be.

 

Dinner was served with little fuss, and carolers came by right as they were about to open stockings. It was really picturesque, but of course it couldn’t stay that way. Late that night, when everyone was away in their rooms and Lottie had gone home, Jay finally cornered him in the kitchen.

 

‘Louis. I’m worried about you.’ Right to the point then. He searched desperately for a way out, Harry and Dan talking quietly in the living room next to them.

 

‘I’m fine, mom. What are you worried about?’ He didn’t meet her eyes.

 

‘I wasn’t snooping. I promise.’ Oh no. ‘But I saw the pills, Louis.’ The disappointment was evident in her voice.

 

‘I have a proper prescription. They don’t want to operate again, but they think a pin might have loosened. I only take them when it’s really bad. I promise it’s all really above board.’ Not exactly a lie. He hadn’t told any of his friends he was taking them, but he also didn’t hide it.

 

‘Alright.’ She didn’t look convinced. ‘Do you have a good support network? I know you’re very close with that boy Zayn, does he know what to look for? Does Harry?’ She placed a hand on his arm, trying to be comforting.

 

‘They don’t need to know because it’s not a problem!’ He bit back, crossing his arms. It had gone suspiciously quiet in the other room.

 

‘Louis William, do not use that tone with me! You know I’m right, and you know I’m only trying to help.’ She huffed before taking a moment to calm herself. ‘I love you so much, I don’t want what happened last time to happen again.’ He voice softened as she pulled him into a tight hug. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’

 

He didn’t want to end Christmas on a bad note, so he plastered on a pleasant face and hugged her back. Before making a quick exit for the basement.

 

After a few minutes to himself, Harry came after him. Louis’ chest was tight and his head was swimming with alcohol and medication. He tried not to enjoy the sensation, but he also really really liked not being able to focus quite so much.

 

‘What was that about? I heard yelling. Are you alright?’ He asked, sitting by Louis’ feet.

 

‘It’s fine, just a little strop.’

 

Harry stared at him patiently. He already knew him too well to see when Louis was upset. He sighed loudly and held out his hand for Harry to take, scooting up on the bed to join him against the headboard.

 

‘Just, some stuff that happened in the past, she’s worried it’ll repeat itself.’ He massaged his knuckles, keeping his head down.

 

Harry, bless him, asked the dreaded question. ‘What happened? I want to help.’

 

‘I don’t know how to tell you.’ Louis said, picking at a stray hang nail. ‘It’s big, I guess, and I don’t want you to think of my differently.’ In honesty, he was embarrassed. His time in rehab was the lowest most humiliating point in his life. If he could live the rest of his life without having to mention it again, that’d be just fine. But he knew he was in serious danger of relapsing, and if anyone could help him, it would be Harry.

 

He could feel Harry’s eyes on his face, but he couldn’t meet them. ‘After I got back, I was sent home for a while, to recover from surgery and things like that. I stayed here, mom offered to look after me. I was fine for a while but, well, you have to understand I was in a lot of pain. Physically and emotionally.’ He stared at a stain against the far wall. ‘It’s so stupid but I let myself get really addicted to oxycodone.’ He paused, remembering that feeling of desperation he always had when his prescription ran out, the terrifying panic of leaving the house without his pills, and the guilt every time he took one. ‘After a while, I started doctor shopping, even getting stuff off the streets.

 

‘Anyway, Lottie was the one who took me to rehab; I don’t know how she figured it out. Any way it happens, having someone check you into a rehab center is humiliating, but my baby sister?’ He could feel his neck flushing red, his eyes stinging. ‘I was supposed to be there to protect and care for her. I was only there for a month and when I got out I went straight to Florida. Too embarrassed to stick around here any longer.’

 

He continued with his eyes downcast. ‘I know you know I’m taking pills again, but it’s only because my doctor says I’m in a lot of pain and my psychiatrist says I’m stable enough to take them in strictly controlled doses. That’s all Mom is worried about. She’s valid I guess, but it’s, embarrassing to think she doesn’t trust me anymore. Even after all this time.’ He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, pushing back tears.

 

‘Louis…’ Harry said quietly, rubbing his back.

 

‘I know I’m always asking so much from you. But I need help. Mom’s right, I am in danger of relapsing, and it’s terrifying. You don’t –‘ He paused to take a breath, finally meeting Harry’s gaze. ‘You don’t need to do anything differently. I just need to know you know.’

 

Harry’s hand came up to cup his cheek, thumbing just under his eye. ‘I’ll always be here for you, Lou. Whatever you need.’

 

Louis smiled shyly, the knot in his chest loosening just enough. ‘What did I ever do to deserve you?’ He asked no one in particular, chest loosening just enough. Maybe he could do this.

 

The next morning Harry left early to go get work done at one of the Starbucks downtown. Leaving Louis vulnerable for Fizzy to corner him to talk about his life in LA. Lottie came over after lunch to show Louis her wedding preparations. Stan called and they set up a dinner before they were scheduled to go back home. When Harry got home late that afternoon, Louis was lounging on the couch with Ernie and Dan, watching football. He was still on the phone and stayed in the entryway to finish the call. Louis wandered over to him when he heard it wrapping up.

 

‘Got everything done that you needed to?’ Louis asked, pulling his sweater tighter around his chest.

 

‘Uh,’ Harry looked down at his phone distractedly. ‘Yeah, yeah. Sorry I was gone for so long. Something might have come up with a client, hopefully my staff can handle it.’ He was still distracted as he shrugged out of his coat. ‘Your mom need any help with dinner?’ He asked, dropping a quick kiss to Louis’ lips.

 

‘Maybe, I don’t know.’ He looked at Harry curiously; he’d never seen him so distracted.


	8. When it All Goes to Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is particularly short, but I just want to be done with it so we can move on, sorry for the dramatics but did you honestly expect anything less?

Harry hadn’t been more stressed in his entire fucking life, first with Louis’ confession about the pills, now this? His biggest client was causing a whole ruckus over _nothing_. Okay it was more than nothing, but it’s not the first time some idiot got thrown in a Cambodian prison and given to extradition rights.

 

They were sat in Stan and Beth’s living room, the kids having bailed as soon as dinner was done, refusing to spend any more time with adults than they had to. Louis was so obviously in his element, joking loudly with Stan, Beth laughing so hard wine snorted out her nose at one point. But Harry’s head was miles away. He knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t stop checking his phone every five minutes. Cara was working on a last appeal, due to judge’s chambers by end of day. It was already 6pm in LA and he felt like his heart was about to cave in on itself.

 

Louis’ soft hand on his arm broke him from his staring contest with his blank phone. ‘You okay?’ Harry looked up, smiling tightly. He knew how fake it looked.

 

‘Yeah, just stuff with work, I’m sorry. What’d I miss?’ He asked, looking around the room for the first time in probably twenty minutes. Stan and Beth were nowhere to be seen.

 

‘They went to the kitchen to get more wine. What’s with you? You’ve been glued to your phone all night.’ Louis said, with less malice than Harry really deserved.

 

‘Can we talk about it later? I promise I’ll keep my phone away, I’m sorry.’ Harry said, panic in his eyes.

 

Before Louis can speak, Stan and Beth returned, playfully bickering. ‘Get your kisses in now Hun, Louis and I are going to smoke out on the porch.’ Beth exclaimed loudly, pursing her lips up at her husband.

 

‘We are?’ Louis asked, looking a frustrated.

 

‘Yes, because you’re on your fourth cocktail napkin, love.’ She laughed gesturing to the heap of blue paper in Louis lap. ‘Don’t think I don’t know your ticks anymore. I’ve got the memory of an elephant.’

 

Louis gathered up his trash a little sheepishly before feeling around in his jacket for his cigarettes.

 

Stan gave his wife a quick peck on the lips before settling back in his seat across from Harry.

 

‘Louis you’re so lucky you’re not married to a wet blanket who makes you shower after you smoke even ONE fag.’ Beth sighed dramatically, hanging onto Louis’ shoulder. He looked over at Stan with a smirk.

 

‘I don’t understand how you can be upset, I’m adding fifteen years to your life, at least!’ Stan said, tossing Louis his lighter.

 

Beth was about to rebuttal, but Louis towed her by the elbow out to the garage before she could really get going. It was startlingly quiet once the door swung shut behind them, and Harry didn’t really know what to do now. He didn’t know Stan very well, and of course his mind was suddenly blank with conversation starters. Thankfully, Stan spoke first.

 

‘I wanted to thank you.’ He said, eyeing the hearth and rolling his glass of scotch in his hands.

 

‘Why’s that?’ Harry asked, looking at him quizzically.

 

Stan shrugged, ‘You’re good for him. I can’t say I’ve seen him this happy since we were teenagers.’ Harry leaned forward, hoping to spur him on to share more. After a long pause, Stan finally looked up to meet his eyes. ‘Louis and I have been best friends all our lives, but when he came back after that last tour, he was a different man.’ He took in a deep breath before continuing. ‘In high school he was so boisterous and fun, class clown, I guess. Always getting in trouble with the teachers but idolized by the students. He was always optimistic, even when our class advisor told him he wouldn’t ever amount to anything; he just laughed it off and said he’d prove them wrong.

 

‘I thought the Navy would just be a stepping stone for him, that he’d take some time, prove himself, and then, I don’t know, come back home and go to school. He was brilliant, no matter what anybody said, just not very book smart.

 

‘Anyway, Beth and I had accepted we’d never see the old Louis again, but you’ve brought him back, at least a little. So, thank you.’ Stan smiled at him gently, looking a little sheepish after his confession.

 

‘Wow, uh, thank you, I guess.’ Harry floundered for words to say.

 

‘I guess as the best friend I should tell you if you break his heart I’ll kill you but I’m sure all of his sisters already have that covered.’ He laughed, lightening the mood.

 

Harry chuckled, knowing full well that Stan was probably being serious, no matter his tone.

 

Louis and Beth came back in, more somber than when they left. He came to Harry’s side, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘We should probably go. It’s getting late. It was so great to catch up though; you guys should bring the kids out to LA if you can swing it. They’d love it.’

 

After saying their goodbyes and making their way down the drive to Harry’s rental car, Louis spoke up again. ‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on at work?’ His voice was strained, obviously trying his best to stay casual.

 

Harry waited until he was behind the wheel, fiddling with the heat, before he replied. ‘I have to go back early.’ He looked down at his hands on the steering wheel. ‘I’m really sorry, but this case is serious. Linda booked me a flight out tomorrow morning; I want you to stay through the rest of the week like I’d planned.’ He paused, listening for Louis’ reaction.

 

‘Okay.’ He said in a small voice.

 

Harry turned in his seat, looking at him curiously. ‘Okay?’ He parroted.

 

‘I understand, Haz, you have a job where a lot of people rely on you. You can’t control these things.’ It could be the dim lights of the dashboard, but Louis’ eyes looked watery, but his voice was steady.

 

‘Lou, I’m so sorry. I want to stay, I want it more than anything, I’ve never hated my job than I do right now.’ He pleaded.

 

‘It’s fine, let’s just go home.’ Louis said, turning to stare out the window. Harry reached for his hand, and he took it without turning around. Better than nothing.

 

In the morning, Harry woke up alone, Louis already upstairs with his family. He took his time packing his things, trying to think of a way to somehow make the situation better. When he finally made his way up the stairs, he heard hushed voices in the kitchen, the rest of the house quiet in the early morning.

 

‘I just feel like it’s _always_ work for him. He tries, but it’s obvious where his heart is at.’ Harry hesitated just beyond the door, he shouldn’t listen in, but he couldn’t not listen in.

 

‘Boo, you know that’s not true. I’m sure it’s very serious if it’s calling him away like this. Give him some more credit.’ He heard the clattering of dishes as Jay moved around the kitchen. ‘That boy loves you, and you love him back, if you’re really concerned, talk to him about it, not to me.’

 

Harry pushed the door open, finally making his presence known. Louis broke away from hugging his mom, looking up at him with a more genuine smile than Harry had seen last night. He smiled back before giving Jay a kiss on the cheek.

 

‘I’ve got all my things, are you still okay driving me to the airport? I can call a cab.’ He said, taking the mug of tea from Louis’ outstretched hand.

 

‘Of course I’ll drive you, we should get going soon though.’ He said, pulling Harry close, looping his arm around his waist.

 

After landing in LAX, Harry headed straight to the office. He had basically moved in, sleeping on the small couch next to his desk, by the time Louis was set to come home. They shared a quick phone call about the rest of his trip, but didn’t see each other in person until well into January. Even then, it was only for a moment, before Harry had to jet to DC as his client’s PR dealings got even more complicated. It’s not even like he needed to be there anymore. The case long since been given to someone who was actually schooled in that kind of law, but he still was in charge of the press.

 

Harry knew his personality, knew he was extremely hyper focused when he was stressed, but he didn’t know how the hell he missed his own birthday by a full week. He stared down at his phone, a slue of missed calls from his friends and family. What stood out, however, was the absence of any from Louis. He hadn’t heard from him at all in a week and a half, and honestly couldn’t remember what they had even talked about.

 

Taking an unsteady breath, he dialed his number. It only rang a few times before Zayn of all people picked up.

 

‘Oh, uh, is Louis available?’ Obviously he wasn’t since Zayn answered but he couldn’t outright ask _why isn’t my boyfriend answering his own phone_?

 

‘Not really, sorry Harry.’ It was obvious he didn’t want to say more, but Harry pressed on.

 

‘Is everything alright?’ Maybe if Harry shoved his head in a bucket of sand he wouldn’t have to see how he’d fucked this up.

 

‘Uh, listen; there’s been a few things that have happened. Can you meet for a few minutes to talk in person?’ Harry confirmed as fast as he could, rushing out to meet Zayn near their flat.

 

Zayn was already there once Harry’s cab pulled up. ‘I don’t really have a lot of time to chat, I’ve got to get to work, but you need to know some things.’ The way he kept pussyfooting around it, Harry thought he might start tearing his own hair out in anticipation.

 

‘What things?’ He asked, hoping to keep the desperation out of his voice.

 

‘Louis got fired from his job.’ He said, as if that explained everything. Zayn must have seen the look on his face as he elaborated after a pause. ‘He didn’t pass the drug test.’

 

‘What?’ What?

 

‘They did a random test for all employees and he didn’t pass. It was heroin.’ Harry couldn’t believe it. He had just talked to Louis, he seemed fine. He thought.

 

‘Heroin?’

 

‘Street oxy is expensive, heroin isn’t. At least that’s what he said.’ Zayn shrugged, still keeping a pained expression.

 

‘So what does this mean?’ Where was Louis?

 

‘Liam and I took him to a center last week. He’s gonna stay there till his medical runs out or he gets better. I don’t know if it would be a good idea if you were to visit, he’s not really in a good place.’ The only thing Harry wanted was to see him.

 

He placed his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair. This was all his fault. ‘This is all my fault.’ He felt Zayn reach out to put a hand on his shoulder.

 

‘No, it’s not. No one could have seen it. He hides everything so well.’

 

‘No, it is my fault.’ He looked up, eyes rimmed red. ‘He specifically asked me for help. Asked me to keep an eye out, that he was vulnerable to a relapse, and I did nothing. God I didn’t even think about it.’ Zayn looked at him sadly.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, lips in a tight line.

 

‘Where is he? I have to see him.’

 

Zayn shook his head. ‘You shouldn’t. He wouldn’t want you to.’

 

‘Wouldn’t want me to?’ Harry asked, anger bubbling in his chest.

 

‘Harry, you haven’t been around for a month and half, I know it’s not your fault, and Louis knows it’s not your fault, but he’s hurt. And he’s ashamed, even though he wont admit it. He would resent me and you if I let you see him like this.’ Zayn’s phone buzzed on the table. ‘I’m really sorry, Harry. I have to go.’

 

Harry sat there for who knows how long, long enough for the sun to start setting and his phone battery to die from missed calls.


	9. Forgiven but Not Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to update quickly after last chapter, I'm starting finals next week and then I'm on holiday for the next month, so I probably wont be able to update again for a while. Sorry guys :( I'll really try to get another update in before the new year <3
> 
> As always thanks for reading, feel free to leave comments and kudos, or hit me up on tumblr @thiccmom or twitter @charnanas
> 
> All prayers to Louis and his family through this time of grief.

_8 months later_

 

Louis was tired as _fuck_. But for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t from sleep deprivation. Three weeks into rehab he ran out of medical and was placed into outpatient treatment, which supposedly worked better, allowed people to try to assimilate their new clean lifestyle with real life activities. But for Louis, it sucked. He was out of a job, and maybe even worse, he was out of a boyfriend. Point is, he had absolutely fuck all to do. After another two weeks of schlubbing around his apartment in sweatpants, Zayn announced he was opening a restaurant.

 

_‘It’s been my dream since before I went to culinary school and I have this inheritance burning a hole in my pocket, it’s time I just fucking went for it.’ He told Louis quietly over a glass of wine._

_‘That’s great, Z. I’m glad you’re doing this.’ He said, trying to sound genuine. He was happy for his friend, but nothing was genuine much anymore._

_‘Lou, I’m gonna need help though, since I’ve still got to run my catering business.’ He paused, looking to Louis for a reaction, which was another blank stare. ‘Lou.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘I want_ you _to help me.’_

_‘Me?’ He asked, astonished._

_‘You. You don’t have a lot of experience, but I know you got your associate’s degree when you were out in Florida. I trust you implicitly, and no offense mate, but you need this.’ Louis rolled his eyes, huffing out a bitter laugh._

 

And that was it really. Dal Roti opened its doors 3 weeks ago to a smashing success. Hollywood socialites were fighting for reservations; they were completely booked full for the next month and a half. Louis put in 12 hours a day minimum, 7 days a week, for the past 6 months. Finally something he did, something he legitimately cared about, was actually successful. Of course, it was all Zayn, but Louis couldn’t let his hard work go completely unaccredited, even if it was only behind closed doors.

 

Honestly, it was to be expected, how it happened. Louis knew Zayn and Harry still talked, or at least Liam and Harry did, even he and Niall texted occasionally. But seeing Harry walk in with his family on a Saturday night in late October was not anything Louis was expecting.

  
That week had been exhausting enough already. Having two major critics coming in on the same night was always a scheduling nightmare, especially with Zayn away on holiday for his and Liam’s anniversary. One of their host’s had called in sick, leaving Louis to pick up the slack. And their bread guy had fucked up their daily delivery absolutely royally, leaving them with minimal appetizers.

 

Louis was leaning over the host podium, talking in hushed tones with Lydia, their best server, trying to convince her to put in overtime for the second weekend in a row. He just glanced up as they walked in, Jonas rushing over to take their coats and lead them to their table. He very much doubted if Harry even saw him, seeing as his back what to Louis and he choked out an excuse to Lydia as fast as possible before retreating back to his coat closet of an office to have a panic attack in private.

 

Beautiful. There was no other word to describe him. Harry looked better than ever, laughing happily with his sister, cheeks flushed from the chilly night air. Louis was fucked. He was fucked and exhausted and really needed a drink, or some Valium, but he tried not to think about that one. He poked his head out from around the kitchen entrance, apparently becoming a masochist as he desperately sought out another glimpse of Harry. He had cut his hair, wearing one of his classic YSL suits. _‘Armani is for work functions, Lou. I’d never wear YSL to a board meeting, this is what you wear to have fun in.’_ He told Louis so many months ago.

 

Sander floated into his view, stealing Louis’ focus back. ‘Mr. Tomlinson?’ Sander was new, an international student at USC, and he was terrified of messing up on the job.

 

‘Yes, Sander? What is it?’ He asked, trying to tone down the exasperation in his voice.

 

‘The sommelier is busy and one of my tables is asking for wine recommendations, and I really don’t know the menu that well, could you come over to help me?’ He begged, looking almost on the verge of tears.

 

Louis sighed. ‘I’ll see if I can get Rakesh for you.’ He glanced back towards the wine cellar.

 

‘They’ve been waiting for almost ten minutes, could you please do it?’ He said with his eyes pleading.

 

‘TEN MINUTES. Fuck it Sander, why didn’t you get one of the girls to help you, or come to me sooner, lead me to the table.’ He ran a hand through his hair violently. Well now he looked like shit too, he hoped the table wasn’t one of the critics, can’t have the restaurant manager looking a mess when the patron is writing for the LA Times.

 

Of. Fucking. Course.

 

Sander led him straight to Harry’s table. Honestly why not? Why wouldn’t this be his life?

 

Louis plastered on a smile, waiting for Sander to introduce him and trying to ignore Harry’s shocked face.

‘Yes, as Sanders said, we’re running a little thin tonight, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry about a thing though, I’m very well versed in the wine menu, I helped write it after all.’ He laughed, coming out a little forced. Harry’s family obviously didn’t recognize him, why should they? They hadn’t even met before.

 

Harry’s mom looked charmed as anything as Louis rambled on and on about the different dishes and their pairings. He tried not to feel as hot under the collar as Harry’s confused stare bore into the side of his face. Louis didn’t dare glance in his direction, not wanting to see what was really behind his eyes.

 

When he wrapped up his speech, he realized he might not have made the right choice in ignoring Harry. He had to go back to the cellar and come back with tastings of course, giving Harry plenty of time to catch his family up with who Louis was.

 

For the first time since he was 7 and is Grams dragged him to Christmas Mass, Louis believed in God. Rakesh was in the wine cellar, fiddling with the regulation temperatures. Louis gave him the run down of Harry’s table and left him to do his job, leaving Louis to flounder in the back for a minute, looking for something to make himself seem busy.

 

After locking himself back into his tiny office, re-running this month’s billing numbers, Jonas came back to find him, apparently an emergency at the host podium. Louis did not (did not) subtly check on Harry’s table as he passed through the dining room to the front. Except he did check on Harry’s table, only to find Harry himself staring back at him with wide eyes. Louis quickly flicked his eyes back to Jonas walking hurriedly in front of him, taking a deep breath. The entire time he was in the foyer he felt Harry’s burning stare on the back of his neck; maybe he was just imagining things. Probably.

 

A final retreat back to his office proved uneventful, the rest of the evening running smoothly enough without Louis’ help. His phone buzzed 12:30, signaling his time to go the fuck home. He sighed, leaning back in his chair, almost knocking over a filing cabinet in the cramped space. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he squeezed his eyes shut, already fighting off a migraine. He exhaled loudly after a short rap on his door.

 

‘Yes, Mira, you can have next Thursday off. Go home.’ He called, figuring it was the waitress following up on her request, she was a little more than a little neurotic.

 

‘Uh, who?’ Well fuck.

 

Louis eyes flew open, his feet falling off his desk as his chair bounced back to its upright position. ‘Harry.’ He breathed out.

 

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, before Louis cleared his throat, standing up and reaching for his coat.

 

‘What can I do for you? I hope you and your family had a good time.’ Keep it formal, Tomlinson.

 

Harry looked a little startled. ‘Uh, yeah. Yeah we did. Zayn didn’t mention you were working here.’ He looked small, all shrunk in on himself, nothing like the confident charismatic man he once knew.

 

‘I’m the manager.’ He said simply, flicking aimlessly through a pile of papers on his desk.

 

‘That’s great, Lou.’ No. Fuck no. He did not get to use a fucking nickname right now.

 

‘What do you want, Harry? I’m tired and I want to go home.’ He said impatiently. Usually he’d feel bad about being so rude, but honestly, he deserved this. To emphasize his point, he shook out his keys from where they lay on a cluttered shelf.

 

‘Uh.’ He paused, hand still on the doorknob. ‘Nothing, I guess. Just. I thought…’ He shuffled his feet, scuffing their immaculate shine. ‘Never mind, I’ll go. Have a good night.’ Harry wheeled around and walked a little too briskly out to the front of the restaurant.

 

Louis sighed, closing his eyes. Don’t do it. He rushed after him anyway. ‘Harry, wait.’ What the fuck was he doing?

 

Harry turned back to him as Louis crossed the dining room with as long of strides as he could manage. His eyes were wide and honestly a little scared.

 

‘I forgive you, okay. I do. I just.’ He ran a hand through his hair again. It was getting too long. ‘I just can’t stand here and act like everything is okay, because it’s not.’ Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Louis held up a hand. ‘You left me, that’s the reality of this. You did and I was hurt and I blamed myself for so long. So fucking long.’ He heard a commotion in the back kitchen, remembering they weren’t exactly alone, but also not fucking caring. ‘I’m sorry I acted like a dick tonight with your family. Even if you deserved it, it was uncalled for. Zayn’s going to kill me for saying this but, if you want to sit down sometime so you can explain your side of the story, I’d be willing to listen.’ He shut his eyes again, not wanting to see Harry’s face.

 

He waited for a response, before giving up and letting out a long sigh. ‘You have my number, I assume, I didn’t change it. Let me know what you want.’ He brushed past Harry, eager to put some distance from him and… well all this.

 

There was a car idling on the curb outside, tinted windows but obvious that Harry’s family was in the back, his regular driver lounging by the passenger door. ‘Mr. Tomlinson.’ He greeted, nodding his head. Honestly fuck everything. ‘August.’ He replied tightly, hurrying to the staff lot across the street.

 

Once in the car, Louis placed his head on the steering wheel and did not cry. He very determinately does not cry.

 

The next morning, wakes up squinting, his room filled with sunlight, only, he’s not in his room. He fell asleep in the living room, again. He stood up with a groan, wincing slightly as his knee unlocks. It was late enough in the morning that even with their delayed Sunday opening, Louis was still running late for work. Managing to at least change his shirt, put his hair up in an elastic, and steal some of Zayn’s expensive cologne, he makes it out the door in record time.

 

The brunch rush is already in full swing by the time he rushes through the back door. Louis dashed straight to his office to pull out a charger, his phone having died overnight. Zayn was due back tonight, and he’s sure to have plenty of neuroses about leaving the restaurant for so long. It pinged with a series of messages after a few minutes.

 

Zayn Malik: !!!!!!!!!! BIG NEWS!!!!!!!

 

Zayn Malik: I’ll swing by around 8 after our train.

 

Harry Styles: Hey, Louis. Sorry about last night. I didn’t expect to see you, didn’t know what to say. Could we meet to talk? I’m free anytime.

 

Okay one, big news? And Louis knows he offered but anger still bubbles in his chest as he reads Harry’s message. With a big sigh and a reply sent to Zayn’s vague text he put his phone face down on his desk. He had work to do and he needed time to think about how to reply to Harry. The black case seemed to mock him throughout the day, begging to be picked up.

 

_Tuesday, 3pm, at that coffee shop around the corner from my place. I’ll meet you._

 

Normally Louis wasn’t so formal in his texts, not caring about punctuation or spelling, but he didn’t want to give Harry any wrong ideas. It was forgiven, but not forgotten.

 

At 8 exactly, Zayn came bounding into his office. ‘Louis! I missed you!’ He said cheerily, laughing as he pulled Louis into a tight embrace. He pulled Zayn back at arms length, giving him a skeptical look.

 

‘You were gone a week. You did not miss me. What’s going on?’

 

‘Can’t I just miss my best friend?’ He asked, a wild smile pulling at his lips.

 

‘Okay… I missed you too, buddy. But you’re starting to freak me out.’ Louis said. Zayn waived his hand in Louis’ face for inspection. His eyebrows shot up, grabbing onto Zayn’s wrist and admiring the silver band up close. ‘Wow, Z, this is amazing.’ It really was, five small diamonds were imbedded in what looked like platinum, it was gaudy and probably very expensive. But it fit Zayn.

 

‘Can you believe it?’ He asked with a huge grin.

 

‘I know Liam was going to ask soon, I should have figured it would have been this weekend.’ Louis shrugged, taking back his seat.

 

‘You knew?’ Zayn shouted, always dramatic when he wanted to be.

 

Louis leveled him with a pointed look. ‘How long have you guys been dating?’ Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

‘So how was the restaurant? Nothing too exciting happen, I hope?’ He asked.

 

‘Nope, no, nothing out of the ordinary.’ Louis said, suddenly becoming very busy with his laptop, not meeting his eyes.

 

‘That’s a lot of negatives in one sentence.’ He asked suspiciously.

 

‘Just trying to give you peace of mind that nothing happened while you were gone.’ He replied, forcing himself to look at Zayn directly.

 

‘If you say so. I’m gonna go check on the rest of the staff, head out early if you want, you deserve it.’ He knew when to drop a subject.

 

He just had to make it to Tuesday.


	10. Not for Good (Chapter 9.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know when I'm most productive on things that don't matter? Finals week. Instead of working on my calc homework I'm writing this fic. I need help.
> 
> Anyway this chapter is SUPER short but I'm too excited not to go ahead and post it, so we're calling this chapter 9.5 :) 10 will also be from Harry's perspective (as is the trend so far) and I'll have that up either later this month or mid/late January
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy! Feel free to leave comments or kudos hmu on tumblr @thiccmom or twitter @charnanas to bug me about updating lol

Harry was early, of course he was, he had spent all afternoon stressing about what to wear and how to do his hair. Then at the last minute he realized he hadn’t even begun to consider what he’d say. He’ll just have to roll with it.

 

By the time Louis gets there, Harry’s tea has over-steeped and he cant tell if that’s why there’s a bad taste in his mouth or if that’s just bile from being so nervous. Louis walked up to him with a tired smile. He looks amazing. Harry was breathless when he saw him over the weekend, his tattoos out for all to see, a nicely trimmed beard, long hair curling around his collar. He had an air of confidence at Zayn’s restaurant that Harry had never seen before. And today was no different; he was radiating this sense of accomplishment and pride. Harry was in awe.

 

‘Thanks for, um, meeting with me.’ Harry says when it’s clear Louis isn’t going to.

 

‘Yeah, of course.’ Louis replied, fiddling with the sleeve of his denim jacket.

 

‘I don’t-‘ Harry paused, clearing his throat. ‘I don’t know how to start, really.’ He flexed his hands on the table in front of him.

 

Louis looked ready to speak but just closed his mouth again, looking at Harry expectantly.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ He said first. ‘Shit, Louis you have to know I’m so sorry.’ He tried to look up for his reaction, but couldn’t make his eyes really focus on Louis’ face. ‘I don’t have an excuse for how-‘ He paused again, taking a deep breath. ‘For how I just forgot about you. I fucked up, big time. For the longest time, since I was 18 and probably before then, I only had one focus. And that was work. Making money, being successful, shit that didn’t matter.’ He squeezed his eyes shut.

 

‘I had everyone screaming at me for years that I needed to focus on things that actually had substance. My mom, Niall, even my own bloody assistant. When I realized-‘ Harry ran a hand through his hair, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. He could barely even say it. ‘When I realized I had lost you, like for good. I went a bit mad. I was in such a headspace with work I hadn’t even realized what I’d done, you know? How shit I treated you. I guess I neglected how much you meant to me.’ He pressed on, trying to make sense, even if just for himself.

 

‘What I’m trying to say is. I lost sight of what was important. You. You’re what’s important.’ Harry finally forced his eyes to Louis’, which looked so much kinder than Harry ever deserved. ‘I know we’re probably done for good, and I deserve that, I guess. But you need to know I quit my job.’ When he saw Louis’ jaw drop a little he rushed to explain. ‘No, I mean. I did, I quit. But I’m still on the board. I go to like one meeting a month. I just wanted you to know that I’m getting my priorities straight. I’m taking time for myself and my family. And I guess. Thank you. For not putting up with my shit and making me actually face reality.’ He sighed, casting his eyes downward again. Maybe he didn’t say the right thing but at least it was something.

 

‘Not for good.’ Louis murmured, causing Harry to whip his head back up. His face was unreadable for the most part, but Harry couldn’t help but hope.

 

‘What?’ He choked out.

 

‘Not for good. We don’t have to be done for good.’ Louis pulled his bottom lip between his teeth before continuing. ‘I’m trying hard to actually get mad right now. I was so mad for so long, even on my way over here I was just so mad. So frustrated at you, that it seemed like you didn’t even try. But now that I’m looking at you I’m just-‘ He paused, looking at Harry quizzically. ‘I forgive you. I love you, Harry, still. I still love you. And that doesn’t mean I only love you when you’re a good person or a good boyfriend. When you love someone you have to love the shitty parts of them too. And I love you.’ A small smile played at the corner of his lips while Harry gaped at him.

 

‘I just-‘ Harry sputtered after a minute. ‘What? Are you serious?’

 

Louis chuckled a little, shrugging slightly. ‘They say you know it’s not just a crush if they cut their hair and you’re still infatuated.’ He smiled, ducking his head. ‘I guess they’re right.’

 

Harry laughed, a little manically. ‘I love you. I love you so much.’ He said, reaching over to take Louis hands in his own, hoping he wasn’t pushing the boundaries.

 

Louis squeezed them back, looking Harry right in the eyes. ‘I know.’


	11. Friends to Lovers to Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I passed all my classes!! First time that happened in like 3 semesters wow. Hope the holidays were good for everyone! Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and all that.
> 
> This chapter was kind of hard to write idk just dealing with a lot of writers block when it comes to Harry's chapters, I'm just not good at getting into his character. So we could have a few of Louis' chapters back to back next. I'll be working on the next chapter after New Years and it'll be posted as soon as I have it done!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Leave comments or kudos if you enjoyed or have any feedback, I love hearing from yall. hmu on tumblr: @thiccmom or twitter: @charnanas if you want (feel free to bug me about updating lol I probably need it)

Harry rolls awake, squinting at the rays of sunshine filtering between his blackout curtains. He never remembers to close them all the way. Selene is immediately on her feet, breathing heavily in his face. His lips twitch up in a smile as he shoves her head away, already swinging his feet out of bed. After taking her for a run and making breakfast for himself, he shuts himself in his study, going through the emails that had accumulated over night.

 

This was his life now, waking up whenever he felt like it, making an actual healthy breakfast instead of just grabbing whatever was available, leisurely scrolling through his computer screen, actually being able to walk his dog. Nothing was urgent anymore, nothing was due ten minutes before he even heard about it, and he didn’t need to think fifteen steps ahead anymore. By the time he actually checked his phone, which was gloriously free of notifications except for a tweet from Niall, it was well after noon. He chewed on his thumbnail, trying to decide if he should text Louis at all. Deciding against it, he called his mom. Something he actually had time to do regularly again, first time since college probably.

 

They talk about nonsense for almost an hour, Anne rambling on about her book club and what she planned to make for dinner the rest of the week. She updates him on Gemma’s date two nights ago, even though he _knows_ , because he finally has time to call his sister regularly too.

 

‘It was so nice going out there last weekend. Thank you for having us.’ She says quietly after Harry falls silent by a distraction on his laptop. He knows where this is going.

 

‘Yeah it was good to see you guys, I’m glad it was all four of us, you know? That never happens anymore.’ He pulls at a loose thread on his t-shirt, waiting for her to just spit it out already.

 

‘Louis looked good.’ She says like she doesn’t know exactly what kind of bomb she’s dropping.

 

‘Yeah, he did.’ Evasion is his best technique.

‘Did you get a chance to chat? You were so quiet after that dinner.’ He sighed, long and hard.

 

Conversations he doesn’t want to have right now: This One. ‘Yeah, we got to talk a few days ago.’ He winced, anticipating her reaction.

 

‘How did it go?’ She asked, all innocent and motherly. When he didn’t respond she sighed. ‘Badly?’

 

‘No, not badly.’ He was having trouble actually forming words with his mouth.

 

‘Well then why don’t you want to talk to your mum about it?’ She asked, sharpness to her tone that she rarely ever used.

 

‘I just…’ Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘I don’t want to jinx anything. We haven’t really spoken since, and I don’t know what to do.’

 

‘Oh, Sweetie.’ She clucked. ‘Talk it through with me.’ His mum always got so demanding when she knew she was right.

 

‘Well we talked and he said, I don’t know. He said we didn’t have to be done for good? And that he still loved me?’ He ran a hand over his face, grimacing at his day old stubble. ‘It seemed like he wanted to give it all a second chance, but then it’s been almost a week and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t know if he’s expecting me to call him first. I just feel so badly with what happened I don’t think I could bring myself to it.’

 

‘He’ll call you when he feels ready.’ His mum says and because mums know best, he believes her. ‘Give him time. Let him lead. I feel like a traitor for saying this about my own child, but you’re the one who ruined it the first time, it’s time you took a back seat.’ Ouch.

 

‘I didn’t need to hear that.’ He whines.

 

‘Yes you did.’ He can hear her self satisfied smirk. ‘Let me know the minute he calls you and be mindful of your actions and words, just like I taught you. Love you dear.’

 

‘Love you too.’ He smiles, the nerves in his stomach that he didn’t even know were there finally settle.

 

It’s a few days later when he gets the call.

 

‘Hi.’ Is all Louis says after Harry picks up. There’s the loud noise of traffic behind his voice.

 

‘Hey.’ Harry says, a little dreamily. Louis laughs, and Harry falls even more in love with him.

 

‘You said that.’ He chuckles again.

 

‘Oh, right.’ He says a little bashfully, moving to tuck his hair behind his ear, before he realizes he doesn’t have long hair anymore, so his hand falls limply to his side.

 

‘Would you like to go out for drinks when I get off work tonight?’ Louis asks after a siren goes past on his end.

 

‘Yes!’ Harry replies a bit too quickly. ‘Yeah, yes, that’d be lovely. Where and when?’ Calm. Collected.

 

‘Everson’s at 11?’ He asked.

 

‘Perfect, that sounds great.’ Less affirmation, Styles. Calm down.

 

‘Great, I’ve got to go but I’ll see you there.’ Harry had his phone to his ear long enough to hear the loud pang of the dial tone before he finally snapped out of his stupor.

 

He looked down at his watch realizing he only had 3 hours to get ready, plenty of time if it was anyone but Louis. He wrapped up his grocery shopping in record time, but the checkout lady was incredibly slow. Normally Harry was one to stop and chat, loving connecting with any strangers who gave him attention, but after a few short remarks about the weather he hurried to his car.

 

Everson’s was Louis favorite bar, he knew the owner somehow. Louis seemed to know everyone but was always very elusive when it came to revealing how he met anyone. Harry grabbed a table toward the back, ordering the first thing he could think of for himself but hesitated with ordering for Louis. Last thing he knew, he was in rehab, did he still drink? Was he supposed to?

 

Thankfully Louis walked up before he could trip over his tongue any more than he already had. ‘I’ll just have the usual, Sydney, thanks.’ He murmured to her, slinging his coat on the back of his chair. He bent down and kissed Harry on the cheek, surprising him even more.

 

‘Hi.’ He said shyly when Louis was finally situated. He smiled at Harry, and maybe it was just the lights but he could have sworn he blushed. ‘How was work?’ Lame.

 

‘Fine. Nothing too special, Cher had a reservation earlier.’ Louis eyes twinkled at the memory. ‘She’s just as wild as anyone would expect.’ Harry smiled at him with pride.

 

‘I’ve never met her, what was she like?’ Honestly Harry was shocked that he hadn’t met her yet, they ran in the same circles.

 

‘Hilarious, but not in an intentional way. Just passive aggressive and demanding, but nice to everyone on staff.’ He picked at his nails. At least Harry knew his nervous habits hadn’t changed.

 

‘Passive aggressive and demanding? No wonder you liked her.’ He teased, instantly tensing and hoping he wasn’t out of line. With Louis’ fond eye roll he relaxed.

 

‘Very funny.’ He smiled at Harry, falling silent when the waitress, Sydney, came back with their drinks. ‘What’d you do today then?’ He asked after taking a careful sip.

 

He shrugs. ‘I’ve been learning guitar, spent most of the day at that. Selene hates me now, she kept pawing at her ears when I messed up a chord.’ Louis smiled brightly.

 

‘How’s she doing? Other than the progressive hearing loss.’ Harry desperately wants to reach out to take Louis’ hand that’s resting on the table next to his drink. But he doesn’t.

 

They catch up for what seems like forever and at the same time, only a blink of an eye. They talk about why Harry cut his hair (he needed a change, and besides, he donated it). They talk about how Louis finally took surf lessons from Liam (Harry teases him about being horrible at it until Louis shows him a video where he’s in a wetsuit and Harry clams up after that). They talk about Lottie’s wedding coming up in January (Louis mentions something about needing a plus one, but immediately changes the subject before Harry can find out anything more). They talk about Harry’s vacation to Dubai (his first time there where he isn’t working).

 

The one thing they don’t talk about though, is Louis’ recovery. It’s laced through all his stories. Comments about being the only sober one at the Fourth of July party, a mention of his therapist encouraging him to go back to school for his MBA. But he never outright says anything about it, so Harry doesn’t ask.

 

At the end of the night they walk to their cars, Louis turning back to him before he gets too far.

 

‘This was nice, Harry. Thanks.’ He says with a shy smile, taking Harry’s hand briefly.

 

‘Yeah, it was-‘ Harry coughs a little awkwardly. ‘It was really good to see you.’

 

‘You should call me later, I usually have Thursday’s off.’ And then he turns away for real and Harry stands in shocked silence for a beat too long before making his way home too.

 

Two days later Harry receives what is now his favorite text he’s ever received ever in his entire life.

 

 

_Louis Tomlinson: LOL thought of you :)_

 

Attached is a picture of a tiny bunch of bananas. Zayn is loitering in the background, which looks like one of the farmers markets near the beach. Harry smiles so big he thinks his mouth might rip in half.

 

After that it’s like the floodgates open. They text _constantly_ , and they see each other more often too. It’s casual and perfect. Harry would tentatively call them friends by the time Zayn and Liam’s engagement party rolls around.

 

Harry felt like he had done this before. Standing in front of a stranger’s apartment, nervous about seeing Louis’ friends. He had kept up with Zayn and Liam, obviously, but he also knew how fiercely loyal Louis’ friends were. So the reaction the others would have to Harry being back in his life was impossible to predict. With a deep breath he pushed open the door.

 

‘Harry!’ Liam saw him first, bounding over with the kind of genuine delight only Liam could portray. ‘How’ve you been? Too long since we last saw you. C’mon in, I’ll take your coat.’ Harry laughed, handing over his gift and heavy trench coat.

 

‘I’ve been good, how’s being engaged? Congratulations of course!’ Liam blushed, turning to put his gift on the table.

 

‘Thank you, it’s just as amazing as I thought it’d be.’ He smiled wistfully in Zayn’s direction, getting a little caught up. Before he got too lost though he turned back to Harry exclaiming. ‘Come meet everyone! You know all of our friends but both our families are in town, they’d love to meet you. Face to the name and all that.’ He gestured for Harry to follow as he walked further into the spacious flat.

 

After meeting all of Liam’s family, and subsequently all of Zayn’s, Harry was pleasantly surprised by the welcome he got. There were a lot of knowing nods to ‘So you’re _Louis’_ Harry’. He didn’t really know what to make of that. Speaking of Louis. It’d was almost an hour after he arrived and after an extensive discussion with Trisha about how she came up with the name for Zayn’s restaurant, he had still yet to see him.

 

Harry took his time meandering around the apartment, stopping to say hello to people he knew, but it was obvious he was searching. He had almost given up by the time he reached the kitchen, eyes flicking toward the foyer as he poured himself another drink.

 

‘Looking for someone?’ A familiar voice asked from behind him, warm hands coming up to pinch his waist.

 

Harry jolted, splashing some water on the floor, before he turned around, a little sheepish. ‘Hi.’ He said in a small voice.

 

‘Hey there.’ Louis said with a smile, crows feet appearing around his eyes. ‘Have you been here long? Sorry I was late.’

 

‘Not too long, don’t be sorry. I got to meet Zayn’s family and some of Liam’s.’ Harry followed Louis back out into the living room, taking a seat on a bench in the corner.

 

‘They’re the best, really. Trisha’s a doll.’ There was a lull for a few minutes while Louis sat observing the party and Harry sat observing Louis. His eyes slanted to meet Harry’s stare, smirking a little before taking a sip of his drink.

 

Looking away hastily, Harry said, ‘What were you up to that made you late?’

 

He shrugged, picking at his nails again. ‘I was meeting with an advisor about going back to school. Probably starting in January.’

 

‘Really? That’s awesome, Lou!’ He smiled brightly, pulling his hand back at the last minute from brushing Louis’ thigh.

 

Louis smiled, looking proud. ‘Thanks, H. I’m excited.’

 

After that, Kendall came over to talk, then Perrie and Leigh-Anne, then a few other people Harry didn’t know. It was a steady stream of people and Harry couldn’t help but feel a bit like a couple as Louis kept his hand on his thigh, and introduced him as ‘his Harry’. He was a bit on a cloud about it, honestly.

 

If Harry thought he was on a cloud during the party he’d probably be shot straight into the stratosphere when Louis made to leave.

 

He cleared his throat once, then again. ‘Uh, would you?’ He paused, wringing his hands together. ‘Would you want to come back to mine? Just to, I don’t know, hang out for a bit?’


	12. What are the changes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wowie!! hey y'all! been too long, I know, I'm sorry, but I've finally got it done! only a few more chapters left till the end of the fic :( but I promise to finish strong and in a timely fashion! The holidays and school starting up again really kept me busy, it's been hard to find time to write.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter :) thank you so much for reading! as always leave comments or kudos if you enjoyed or have any feedback, I love hearing from y'all! hmu on twitter @charnanas or tumblr @thiccmom thanks again!

Harry nodded so violently Louis thought his head might roll off his shoulders. He smiled a little nervously at him. ‘Cool well just follow me back then.’ He said before turning to say his goodbyes to the remaining people at the party.

 

Once Louis was in his car, driving carefully back to his apartment, Harry’s fancy porche in his rearview mirror, he took a deep breath, letting the nerves overwhelm him for just a minute. Then he squashed it all back down again, feigning confidence as he pushed opened the front door. He busied himself with setting down his keys and immediately turning to the kitchen to make tea, just for something to do with his hands. Harry lounged in the doorway after taking off his coat, looking much more relaxed than Louis felt the situation deserved.

 

‘Do you think you’re going to stay here when Zayn moves out?’ Harry asked, staring at the few packed boxes by the stove.

 

Louis shrugged and stared down at the two mugs he had gotten out. There wasn’t anything else to fiddle with. Fuck. ‘Probably, I think I’m gonna try and find another roommate, though.’ He turned back around, feeling very intimidated by Harry’s unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and casual stance.

 

Thankfully, the kettle squealed before the silence between them stretched on too far. ‘Sorry it’s a mess.’ Louis lamented as he led the way to the living room. He hurriedly threw the notebooks and probably every coat he owned off the couch and into the trunk in the corner, which was already overflowing with too many unfolded blankets.

 

‘So, uh. I don’t know how to ask this without sounding like a git but, Louis, what are we doing?’ Well there it was then.

 

‘Well right now I’d say we’re lounging in my living room.’ Louis said trying for a bit of humor.

 

‘You know what I mean.’ Harry said, more exasperated than Louis had heard him be since well before they broke up.

 

‘Well I guess you deserve to know what happened before we talk about anything else.’ Louis mumbled, picking at a chip on the handle of his snowman mug, feeling very self-conscious and full of self-doubt.

 

‘I know I don’t really deserve anything, if you don’t want to tell me about it, I’m fine with that.’ Harry said with a sort of reserved practicality, as though he didn’t really mean anything he said. But it’s the thought that counts, really.

 

Louis fixed him with a stare, quirking his mouth down. ‘Well I’ve decided to tell you, it’s not a secret and I don’t think anything going to work out if we keep things from each other.’

 

He got a sort of vindictive pleasure from seeing Harry so uncomfortable, squirming in his seat trying to look less ashamed. But in honesty, Louis was tired of seeing Harry like this. Pussyfooting around, always terrified of offending him, full of guilt and remorse. He just wanted things to go back to normal. Maybe putting everything out there on display would allow them to move forward.

Louis averted his eyes again, picking at his nails; a nervous habit that he’d stopped trying to break. The silence stretched on until it was almost uncomfortable, he could feel Harry’s nervous energy radiating off him. Finally, he started talking, in a small enough voice he knew Harry would have to strain to hear.

 

‘After Christmas, I knew you’d be busy with work, so I gave you some space. The lawsuit was pretty public, so it’s not like I didn’t know what you were up against. I don’t know why I did it, I guess I was embarrassed when I told you about my rehab the first time, but when I went on another bender, I didn’t call you. I didn’t tell anyone about it, really. Then, suddenly, I was out of pain pills, well before I was authorized for another prescription, I hadn’t slept in three days, and they started construction outside my building.’ He glanced up at Harry to see a puzzled expression on his face. ‘Loud noises like that trigger my PTSD. The jackhammers and stuff.’ Louis said quickly, before looking back to his hands.

 

‘It was suddenly like I was back over there again, and I just needed out. I don’t know what possessed me, but I called up a couple of old friends, trying to get my hands on more Oxy. Surprisingly, it’s pretty hard to find, especially if you don’t have a rep with any of the locals. Anyway, I got my friend Alfie to buy me heroin.’ He swallowed loudly. ‘It’s crude and has a bad rap but it did the job. I tried to take it sparingly, but then they did a random drug screening at work and, well, I didn’t pass.’ He massaged his left arm, where his injection sites were.

 

‘One of the most humiliating things in my life.’ He brought a hand up to his forehead, handing his face from Harry’s inquisitive gaze. ‘When Zayn got back that night, I gave him the rest of my stash and told him to check me into a hospital. He and Liam took me the next day after they called my mom. She was furious, of course, but Z told me not to worry about it and that he’d handle it with her and the rest of my friends who he knew would come asking about me.’ Louis sucked in a breath, holding it for as long as he could, if nothing more than to stall.

 

‘I was discharged three weeks later and put in outpatient therapy, which is the stupidest part of rehab in my opinion. I got on the list to get more surgery for my knee, which went through in July. Then I put my head down and worked with Zayn on his restaurant.’ He shrugged, smoothing the hair out of his face. ‘I guess that’s pretty much it.’

 

‘I haven’t had any opiates since, which is hell after knee surgery, by the way.’ Louis said with a wry smile. ‘But I guess it’s my punishment for being so stupid the first time.’ He fiddled with the strings of his hoodie, trying desperately to fight off the anxious nausea in his stomach.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ Harry said in a small voice. Louis looked up, giving him a calculating stare, his eyes squinting.

 

‘What for?’ He asked, trying to sound genuine and not judgmental, even though he was feeling a pretty good mixture of both.

 

‘I’m sorry you had to experience that, I’m sorry for the part I played in it, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through it, I’m sorry you have to struggle so much.’ He ran a hand over his face, fiddling with his necklaces with his other hand.

 

‘I forgive you.’ Louis said, stretching his legs out in front of him. ‘Now what about you? What dramatic changes have you made since January?’ He asked knowingly.

 

Harry chuckled, moving to tuck his hair behind his ears before he remembered it was short. His hand fell limply to his side, curling into a fist. ‘Well,’ He started, before pausing to clear his throat. ‘Well, Zayn told me you were in rehab again and honestly, I blamed myself for it. I now realize how self important that makes me sound but I guess that is kind of my problem.’ He huffed out a sigh, eyes fixated on the toe of his boot. ‘It was abrupt, but also it was a long time coming when I quit the firm. I guess I haven’t really quit, just taken an indefinite leave of absence. After a few days of begging Zayn to let me see you and moping around my house with Selene, I went home. Saw my mum, spent some time in London with Gemma, just generally being a bum and annoying them to no end.

 

‘When they told me they couldn’t take it anymore, I came back here. I took on some new hobbies, learning the guitar, played tennis, I finally learned how to whistle!’ He smiled proudly at Louis who couldn’t help looking at him with such an intense fondness he got almost a little startled. ‘I traveled for the first time since college. Well, the first time that wasn’t for work. I don’t know. I just took a lot of time for myself, to think about things and get my priorities in order.’

 

Louis nodded, keeping his eyes downcast. The silence between them stretched on for what seemed like an eternity.

 

‘Is this a good idea?’ Louis asked, as much for himself than for Harry. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaning forward. ‘You’re really fucking frustrating you know that?’

 

‘What?’ Harry asked, sounding offended.

 

‘I just realized for the past two years, ever since you sat with me during that first coffee break, I’ve not stopped thinking about you.’ He smiled a bit to himself. ‘It used to be, every time I thought of my future; I was either alone or with some ambiguous interchangeable person. Now I can’t even picture tomorrow without you in it.

 

‘And that’s really fucking frustrating.’ He looked at Harry who was staring back with wide eyes.

 

‘What?’ He asked again, barely more than a whisper.

‘I want to be a part of your life, Harry; in any way you’ll have me. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t think I can really live without you, I don’t think I ever could.’ Louis said as earnestly as he possibly could.

 

‘What?’ Harry asked _again_ , shaking his head.

 

He rolled his eyes. ‘Literally are you a parrot? Did you lose your hearing from the car to here or something? _I love you, Harry_.’

 

‘No, I mean. What? I’m supposed to be the one groveling at your feet, I’m supposed to say I’d do anything to get you back, I’m supposed to say how miserable I’ve been without you, tell you how much I should have cherished you, how much you mean to me. I had a whole speech.’ He said looking down at Louis in bewilderment.

 

‘Well I guess if you _want_ to give me the whole speech you could, but it’s really not necessary.’ Louis said, getting a little anxious that Harry hadn’t actually responded to his proposal. _Proposal._ Fuck, Tomlinson, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

 

‘You really want to be with me?’ He asked again.

 

Louis suddenly surged forward, capturing his mouth in a kiss, holding his face steady between his hands. Harry froze for a second, before jumping into action, placing his hands on Louis’ waist and kissing back with abandon. ‘Yes, you fucking idiot, I want to be with you.’ Louis whispered against his lips. Harry smiled before kissing him lightly once, twice, three more times. They leaned back against the couch; Louis leaned heavily on his chest, listening to the quick pace of his heart.

 

‘You know you’re going to have to meet my mum properly now?’ Harry said after a long moment.

 

‘Of course.’ Louis nodded, his beard catching on Harry’s shirt. ‘I fully expect you to attend Lottie’s wedding with me. She never rescinded my plus one, I guess she knew this would happen.’ Lottie knew him too well, he thought.

 

Harry ran a warm hand down his back, laughing quietly. ‘I hoped you did. She’s a wise woman.’

 

He scrunched up his nose at that. ‘She’s too young to be a _wise woman_ , I have it on good authority that she just spent $500 to have an ice sculpture at the reception, that’s anything but wise.’

 

‘She’s almost 30, Louis.’

 

‘And I’m almost 34, that doesn’t mean either of us know what we’re doing.’ He huffed, attempting to extricate himself off the couch but Harry held firm, curling around him like an octopus.

‘You’re just mad she was right, stop being so stubborn and lay here with me for a bit, I’m comfortable.’ Harry pouted when Louis finally burst free.

 

‘Well, you can stay comfortable here then, I’m going to go to my bedroom where there’s more room to do fun things lying down.’ Louis said with a wink.

 

‘Fun things lying down? And they say I’m the dork.’ He heard Harry mutter on his way down the hall.

 

‘Do you want the best sex of your life or not, Styles?’ He called, smirking.

 

There was a loud tumble and a sharp yelp before Harry rushed to him, picking him up at the waist to take him the rest of the way to the bedroom.


	13. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sheepishly places this chapter on the table, backing away slowly* YIKE this is so late, I'm really sorry, I promise I will finish, and I'll have way more time to write over the summer. I'm in the works of getting some of my other (non fanfiction) stuff published so that's exciting! And keep an eye out here bc I've got a few more AU's in the final drafting stages (the main distraction from finishing this one whoops).
> 
> Probably two more chapters left, dw there will be an epilogue. Once I'm done I'm going to go back and actually fix all the typos in this thing lmao sorry bout that.
> 
> Leave comments/kudos if you enjoyed! I always love hearing from y'all! Thank you for being so patient.

Louis sat up suddenly in bed, one of his hands coming to tangle in his hair. Harry makes a small noise and reaches for him to lie back down. Louis looked back at him, panicked. Sweat beading at his temples and it making him shiver as it evaporates off his back. He pulls his knees to his chest, covering his face with his hands, willing himself not to cry. Harry’s warm arms wrap around him, hooking his chin over Louis’ shoulder.

 

‘Nightmare?’ He mumbled, voice garbled with sleep. Louis just nodded. Harry makes a noise of understanding before rearranging himself to sit up straighter, continuing to run a calming hand over Louis’ arm, again and again.

 

They sit like that for a moment. Then, Harry makes the little snuffle of a snore against Louis’ neck, having fallen asleep again. His dead weight pressed awkwardly against his back. Louis smiles, helping to rearrange them to lie back down. He doesn’t fall back asleep, which is considerably easier to do once Harry’s snores get louder, but he’s not restless either. He thinks this is the first time he’s been content so soon after a nightmare in a very long time, if ever.

 

Once the light starts streaming through the windows at full force, Louis extricates himself out of the bed in search of breakfast. Selene follows him down the stairs, pawing pitifully at the door to the back garden. He flips on the coffee pot before he lets her out, shivering from the cold as he watches her run around. He settles on the floor with a bowl of Lucky Charms and a cup of coffee, his back up against the wooden cabinets. When Harry pads down the stairs and silently slides down to sit across from him, their legs tangling together. Louis has to squint up at him to see where his arm is outstretched, Louis’ glasses in hand. He smiles sheepishly and slides them onto his face. He always forgets them. Harry’s hair is fanned out around his face in a curly halo, his eyes are red from where he rubbed them too hard after hearing his alarm, there’s an indention on his cheek of the pillow crease, and Louis doesn’t think he’s seen anyone more beautiful.

 

This has become routine for them. Sometimes they sit at the table but most of the time they can’t be bothered, since it’s usually covered in half-read books and junk mail anyway. Sometimes, when Louis can sleep, Harry turns off his alarm and comes down to make a Full English. Sometimes Selene wakes them both up and they take her for a walk around the neighborhood, hand in hand, blushing when the old ladies who speed walk together coo over them before darting off in a blur of pink head bands and neon leotards.

 

There’s a letter on the counter that Louis brought back from his place. He opened it two days ago. His landlord asked if he wants to renew his lease. He can’t bring himself to reply, not even knowing what he’d say.

 

Harry smiles at him over his mug of coffee, wiggling his toes under Louis’ thigh. Selene sniffs conspicuously at his cereal before flopping down next to him, demanding to be pet.

 

‘I was thinking I should go back to my place today, pick up some things, make sure it hasn’t burned down, you know.’ Louis shrugged, glasses sliding down his nose. Harry reaches over to push them back up again.

 

‘Okay.’ He says simply, but Louis knows him too well.

 

‘Don’t second guess yourself, what do you really want to say?’ Because Harry always thinks too much.

 

‘Oh.’ His eyes move down to his lap, fiddling with the rim of his coffee mug before taking a sip. ‘Why don’t you move in here?’ He asks in a rush, already cringing.

 

Louis hides his grin behind his coffee mug, even though Harry is dutifully avoiding looking at his face. ‘Okay.’

 

His head snaps up, startled, eyes wide and a little panicked. With the hair, he makes quite a sight. ‘Really?’ Louis nods. ‘I mean, you don’t think it’s too soon? Going too fast? Being too forward?’

 

‘Harold, I basically live here already. I love you and I love spending time with you and being around you. What better way to do that than live together? Besides, my lease is up and I really don’t want to look for another place.’ He jumps a little as Harry scrambles to his knees, taking Louis’ face in his hands.

 

‘Really?’ And honestly his smile could power the sun.

 

He can barely mumble out a ‘yes’ before he’s yanked into a kiss.

 

 

‘I love you so much, so so much.’ He says excitedly, punctuating every word with a kiss.

 

*          *          *

 

Louis didn’t realize he had accumulated so much _crap_ over the years he’d spent in LA. He could have sworn he only packed like two suitcases full of stuff when he came out here from Florida. He usually tried to keep things light, probably from his years in the barracks. So far most of what he’d come across wasn’t anything he wanted to keep, his piles of trash and consignment were growing rapidly. Harry was packing up his record collection, the one thing he insisted on keeping, in the living room when Louis stumbled across a dusty shoebox at the back of his closet. For a moment, he didn’t even recognize it. He picked at the dried rubber band that had once held it closed before he remembered what was in it. Dropping it to the floor like it had caught fire, he took a step back, lowering himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

He could hear Harry humming the tune of ‘Bad Romance’ in the other room. He glanced at the doorway, considered closing it, before tentatively picking the box back up. Held lightly in his lap, his fingers shook slightly around it. He clenched his fists, willing them to be still. After a deep breath he slid the lid out of the way. A bundle of photos sat on top, his own face smiling up at him, his arms around two other men in uniform. He carefully set them aside, revealing two medals, surprisingly tarnished seeing as he hadn’t touched either them since his mom put them in the box six years ago. He picked up the stack of letters, rubbing his fingers around the fraying edges.

 

‘Hey do you have a bigger box in here? The one I grabbed wont fit your turntable.’ Harry asked brightly, striding into the room, his arms overflowing with records. Louis looked up, startled. He furiously rubbed at his face, when the fuck did he start crying?

 

‘Yeah!’ His voice came out obviously strained. ‘Yeah, just over there.’ He smiled, moving to put everything back in the shoebox, for good this time. God, why did he even keep this thing around anymore?

 

‘Are you alright?’ Harry knelt down beside him, shoving things out of his way so he could. ‘Were you crying? What’s wrong?’ His eyes flashed concerned, glancing at what was in Louis’ lap before he could shove it out of sight.

 

‘Nothing, I’m fine. There are plenty of empty boxes, let’s find one that fits.’ He said brightly, trying to get up. Harry pulled him back down, taking both of his hands in his own. Louis let out a breath, closing his eyes before turning to smile at him. ‘What?’

 

‘What’s in that box, Lou?’ Why did he have to be so sincere about everything?

 

Not trusting his voice, he thrust the box in Harry’s direction. When he had taken it, Louis got up, heading to the fire escape, already pulling out his cigarettes. Harry had been trying to get him to quit, encouraging him to try meditation or hypnotherapy. He was right not to trust the patch or that god-awful gum, but no amount of yoga could replace the real thing.

 

‘Louis?’ He whispered, still inside. Louis held out his hand for Harry to take, pulling another drag from his cigarette.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ He mumbled, rolling his chin against his collarbone. There was some dangerous shuffling as Harry maneuvered his way through the open window, nearly braining himself on the edge of it.

 

‘Why are you sorry? You don’t have anything to be sorry about.’ He said, his thumb rubbing circles against the back of Louis’ hand.

 

‘I don’t know, I just don’t like thinking about it.’ He shrugged, squeezing Harry’s fingers.

 

‘Are they yours?’ He asked, after a moment of silence.

 

He nodded, lifting his head to lean against the side of his building. ‘I hate them.’ Thankfully, Harry stayed quiet. ‘I wanted to get rid of them, but my mom just picked them out of the trash and kept them for me. I shouldn’t have gotten them.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ He met Harry’s eyes finally, finding genuine curiosity.

 

‘The medals, I shouldn’t have gotten them.’ He said again. Harry, bless him, nodded silently, confusion still clear on his face. Louis sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face, tapping out his cigarette. He pulled the shoebox through from where it was balanced on his nightstand.

 

He held up the first medal. ‘Purple Heart: awarded for wounds sustained in combat.’ He placed it back in the box, reaching for the other one. ‘Silver Star: awarded for gallantry in battle.’ He flipped them over in his hands, examining their faces, before reaching back in the box. ‘These are letters from their families, the families of the guys in my platoon. I was the only one to come back. I mean plenty of other guys from my company came back, I think they still have reunions, but you’re just never as close with them as you are with your platoon.’ He handed Harry one of the envelopes. ‘That one is from the president, thanking me for my service.’

 

He finally pulled out the stack of photos, flipping through them gingerly. ‘Here’s one of all of us.’ Louis said, smiling at a little as he held it up. Harry took it from him, bringing it close to his face so he could examine the people in it.

 

‘You’ve never talked about this stuff before.’ He commented, no malice in his voice, his eyes still wandering over the picture.

 

Louis shrugged, moving the box out of his lap. ‘It took me a while to accept the fact that I came back and they didn’t.’

 

Harry nodded, feeling out of depth a little bit. Louis’ hand relaxed in his and they sat there for a while, until the sun cast long shadows and the nip of evening colored the air.

 

‘Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if they were still around.’ He said suddenly, rubbing the unshed tears from his eyes.

 

‘What do you mean?’ Harry asked with a tilt of his head.

 

Louis took a moment to organize his thoughts. ‘Don’t ask don’t tell was still in effect when I was in the service. Or at least when I was overseas, wasn’t abolished until right before I was honorably discharged. There are so many things that should matter more, but I always think about that. Would they have still accepted me? Would they still have been so eager to give their life for me?

 

‘I know some of them would. Brent and I came so close one night to talking about it before we both chickened out. Sometimes it makes it worse, knowing they didn’t know. Feels like I deceived them somehow?’ He knew he should be talking to his therapist about this stuff, but this admission was somehow too shameful to share with someone like that. He’d thought it in his head over and over again, even had it on the tip of his tongue at a few sessions. But somehow telling Harry his deepest thoughts like this wasn’t so scary.

 

‘Louis.’ He called, breaking him from his reverie. ‘You know you didn’t deceive them, right?’ He paused, so scared of saying the wrong thing. ‘They sacrificed themselves for their country, right? The whole country, not just the parts they knew about, and not just the parts they liked. And that same idea applies to you.’ Louis looked up, giving him a water smile.

 

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s so hard not to feel guilty about all of it.’ He pulled the box back into his lap, wiping the tears from his eyes.

 

‘Let’s be done for the day, yeah? Go get something to eat, watch a film.’ Harry said quietly, pulling him back through to the bedroom. Louis stumbled a bit before getting his footing, immediately being pulled into a hug.

 

‘I love you.’ He breathed into the collar of Harry’s sweatshirt, well, originally it had been Louis’ but who was he to deny Harry of anything he would ever want.

 

He pressed a kiss into the top of his head, his hand curling around Louis’ shoulder. ‘I love you, too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @thiccmom and twitter @charnanas! feel free to bug me out updates there too lol


	14. HIATUS/RE-WRITE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry yall

Whelp, this is over y'all. I'm not happy with the rest of this fic and honestly I can't come up with a good ending, so I'm going to go back and re-write the whole thing and publish it as a totally new work once I have it done. The plot will likely be the same or at least very similar, the chapters will be longer, and hopefully it will all be better written. 

Thank you all so much for sticking with me (lol back when I was active on this) I hope you'll read my other works as I get them up :)


End file.
